How Gratitude Rewires Our Mindset

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Opinions expressed in this episode are personal. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this streaming platform. [00:00:08] Speaker B: Good day, everyone, and welcome to another edition of let's Be Diverse. I am your host, Andrew Stout. This episode is dedicated to all my loved ones who supported me through this journey. Those who have left us will always be in our hearts and will never be forgotten. Today's topic is how gratitude rewires our our mindset. And I'm so excited to welcome to the show as our guest today, Lori Sates. Lori, welcome to the show. I'm so happy to have you on today. [00:00:34] Speaker A: Thanks so much for having me, Andrew. I know we went through a couple of different challenges to get together to record this, so I'm glad we're making it happen. [00:00:43] Speaker B: Yes. And just for the listeners, no fault of Lori, it's my end that we just were not able to get it done. But yes, we were able to get it done today and I'm so thankful for that. How are you doing? What's going on in your world, Lori? Give me the tea, the deets, give me it all. What's going on? [00:00:58] Speaker A: Everything is fan freaking tasket tastic. Like that's just how I look at war, at the life, at the world. Yeah, it's been a great week. All kinds of good things happening. [00:01:09] Speaker B: Good. [00:01:09] Speaker A: And yeah, I'm excited to talk for the, for our topic today. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Yeah, it's always so good when there's so things are going well. I mean, obviously things are not always going to go well. It's, there's not, it's not always a sunshine and rainbows as we say in life. But yes, when it is going well, then yes, we, we take advantage of it and we enjoy it. [00:01:28] Speaker A: Well, I think we're going to get into this in the conversation today, but even when things are not going the way you would like them to, it's about finding the gratitude anyway. [00:01:36] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. Finding the positive, finding the gratitude. Absolutely. I totally agree with you on that one. So thank you so much for sharing that. I'm so happy to hear that things are going well. Before we begin, I always have a fun, thought provoking question to get things going. Are you ready for yours, Taylor? [00:01:52] Speaker A: I think I'm ready. I don't know what it is, but I'll say yes, I'm ready. [00:01:58] Speaker B: So I asked this to a guest a few episodes ago and I, I really liked it so I thought I would ask it to you today. I'm curious to see your answer. So my question to you is if you could spend a day Talking to an animal. What animal would you choose and what would you want to learn from them? [00:02:15] Speaker A: It would definitely be a cat. [00:02:17] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:18] Speaker A: I. And maybe because I can spend. I don't have a cat right now, but I've had cats in the past. I've been cat servants. But how about a big cat? I went to a big cat sanctuary one time several years ago, and I actually got to hold a baby tiger. It was about eight weeks old. And it was such an amazing experience. So I think I would spend the day hanging out with some tigers and just finding out, like, what do you love about being a tiger? What's so. Like, it seems like a cool thing to just be a tiger. Like, I mean, and what are the similarities to a house cat? Like, how much time do they spend just lounging around, lying. Lying in the sun, hanging out with each other, communing? Like, what are they. What are they communicating to each other? You know, animals are communicating with each other, but, like, what are they. What are they talking about? [00:03:09] Speaker B: It's so interesting. When I asked this question a few weeks ago, I said birds. So we put a bird feeder out this summer for probably, like, the first time. And what I've noticed that of course, they're scared to be around when you were there, but you could just hear them speaking, and you could hear, like, the chirping from one end of. In the back to the other. And it's almost like they're, like, talking to each other. Like, oh, it's full. He's there. Because I. I see them flying there and flying back, and then you hear them chirping. It's. You just wonder, what are they saying? Wait till he leaves, and then we can go. I almost wonder what they're. What they're saying when they're out there and I'm out there doing some stuff in the yard. So it's super cool. [00:03:49] Speaker A: Even. Even my house cats, I would always wonder, like, what are they thinking? What are they saying to each other? You could. You could tell they're communicating with each other because I had two. What are these conversations exactly? [00:04:00] Speaker B: Well, thank you so much for having fun with me. I think your answer was great. It was profound, and it is interesting. Again, you're absolutely right. Cats are an interesting animal. And you just wonder what they're. What they're thinking. We have a dog as well. And I just wonder sometimes what she's thinking as well. Sometimes when she's just laying there looking at you, like, what is going through her mind? What is she thinking? So just so Interesting. So why don't we start off with you telling us a little about yourself and of course I want to hear about your why, yes. [00:04:29] Speaker A: My background is in marketing and communications. I actually started college as a broadcast major and I changed my major halfway through and went into more marketing and public relations, public communications, corporate communications. And that's where I spent a majority of my career, at least when I was working for somebody else. When I started my first business back in 2003, was making. My business was based on a family recipe and for a cookie that was kind of a cross between a butter and a sugar cookie. And they were marketed as gratitude cookies, packages and gifts as a way for businesses to say thank you to their clients and their referral sources. And so I ran that business for 11 years. So we're talking about gratitude all the way back 20, more than 20 years ago. I was talking about gratitude and the importance of gratitude in business and in life. And so I ran that business for 11 years, couldn't quite scale it the way I would have liked to. Ended up shutting it down, Went back in marketing for a minute and then started teaching networking strategies for people. I was calling them quiet people. You know, the term introvert has so much baggage attached to it. So I was. It was networking strategies for people who would maybe be apprehensive to walk into a room full of people where they don't know anybody. And then pandemic came along and nobody was going anywhere, so I had to change things up again. Today I am now hosting and producing internal facing podcasts for fast growing companies, mid sized, fast growing companies. The through line of all of what I have done in my life has been connection, helping people connect with each other and helping people feel like they are part of something, that they belong, that they have value. And that is my why that is something that is so important to me. And I don't know where exactly it comes from, but it has always been the driving factor for me. Like I said, the through line of all my businesses has been connection and helping people connect. You know, we have all of this virtual technology that helps us connect, and I'm using that in air quotes, but nothing is as important as connecting on that personal level. You know, as humans, we are still wired. We have not evolved past the need to connect interpersonally. And yet we live in a culture in a world where loneliness is epidemic. [00:06:53] Speaker B: So I'll think back, I'll go back to my elementary school years and going into high school and you're so like with everybody, you Know everybody in your grade, you're friendly, and then you go into a new school and you're put into a situation where you know people from your school and you probably gravitate to them, but you don't know anybody from the other schools that go to that high school. [00:07:16] Speaker A: Mm. [00:07:17] Speaker B: And it's a very common situation in the business world today, especially when you go to, like, a conference or you're doing a podcast. You may have met this person, but you don't really know them that well. And you talk about my love language, which is rapport building, which is one of my core values and something that I push myself with passion to do on a daily basis, because I really feel by doing so, you're just going to continue to grow and flourish, not just in life, but throughout your career. When you're talking, all that stuff just kind of meshed in my brain and. And just brought back some amazing memories for me, for sure. [00:08:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. It's not a skill that a lot of people feel confident in. [00:08:05] Speaker B: No, it's not. It's not. It's something that I think. I don't know if it's. It's confidence, but it's also, I think, time. And I feel like people say it takes up a lot of time. [00:08:15] Speaker A: It does. [00:08:16] Speaker B: And I was saying to somebody the other day, like, if you were just to say, okay, I'm gonna reach out to five people this week, not even a day this week, you would definitely see how amazing it is. Maybe you could stretch it to five people a day and then kind of really push it and continue to push it. And I don't know. I've been doing that, the same thing for two years now. Again, I've just seen such a dramatic change, and I've just met so many amazing individuals like yourself, Lori, who have just. We just had some common goals and some common things that we're just trying to achieve. And if you don't do that, how do you know you're. Sometimes you think we're alone. Right. In certain things. And if you spread yourself out and talk to people, you will find out more and more that people are going through the similar things that you are. So it is amazing to do that. And again, I don't want to go on and on about this today, but it has just been so enriching to me. And again, it's just my love language, and I just. I just love doing it. [00:09:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. You'll find people have much more in common than they don't. You know, people have more that they agree on, then they disagree on. [00:09:34] Speaker B: Absolutely. So what I want to ask you is in what ways does practicing gratitude reshape your perspective? [00:09:42] Speaker A: Practicing gratitude, actually literally, and I'm using the word correctly here, literally rewires your brain. So when you are practicing gratitude, you are. You are strengthening the neural pathways in your brain to be more creative. People who practice. I mean, the list of benefits for practicing gratitude, you would think this is some kind of miracle drug. That could not possibly be true, but it is. You will sleep better. You will have better emotional regulation. You will be more creative. You will feel less anxiety, you're more grounded. You have better interpersonal skills. You're less likely to be drawn into conflict. What are the other benefits? Oh. Oh. People who practice gratitude have less physical pain. From a business standpoint. Businesses, People who are in business who practice gratitude, leaders who share gratitude with their teams. The people who work for them are more willing to work harder. That's the stat. But I'm not a fan of working harder. I think it's. It's, you know, the. The. What's the common out thing like work smarter, not harder. I'm not a fan of that phrase because I think it's odd, but it's not about working harder. But they'll be more loyal. Let's say that they're more committed to the mission, which I think is the better ways of raising it. Yeah, the. The benefits of practicing gratitude for you personally and for business leaders and businesses. Just incredible. In fact, I'm gonna. As. Let's keep talking about. I'm gonna pull up this stat that I have, this document. I didn't have it in front of me, but I want to share some of this stuff. Go ahead. [00:11:22] Speaker B: I was just gonna say that I'm thinking of some leaders that I've had throughout my career and the ones that practice gratitude with me. Not necessarily what you were talking about as far as work smarter, not harder, but more in the fact of, like, that I was willing to. I was willing to. To work. Not that I didn't want to work, but I was willing to do pretty much anything for them because of the fact that they showed so much gratitude to what I was doing and how much I was putting into everything that they just were like, thank you so much for all the hard work that you're doing. I really appreciate you and I appreciate all the amazing things that you've done for us to hear. Those things are so nice to hear, and you want to hear those things. And who wouldn't want to Hear those things. Some people don't need it, and I get it. But it is. I think in reality, I think anybody would like to hear those things as well. And some people are very humble, which is great. But just like I said, just to hear something kind about work that you're doing can move mountains. [00:12:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Nobody has ever said. I've never heard anybody say it, and I've never heard any. I've never heard a story related to somebody saying, you know what? No more. No more gratitude. No more thanks for me. I'm full. I've had enough for today. This study was. It was a Harvard. Harvard University and Wharton study that showed receiving a thank you from a supervisor boosted productivity by more than 50%. 5, 0%. That's significant. [00:13:03] Speaker B: That is significant. That is a huge stat and something that I don't think that a lot of people think of. I think if you like that stat, if you were to ask people what that percentage is, I don't think a lot of people would say 50%. They might say something a little bit lower. They might go higher, but they might go lower. Right. So, yeah, it's just an interesting stat and I think it's very, very high. And I think as time goes on, I think it's going to grow. I. Yeah, yeah. [00:13:32] Speaker A: Well, and. And like I said, I mean, there's so many benefits to it in the business world. And then outside of that, like when you are personally healthy, when you are physically and mentally healthy and practicing, gratitude supports both of those things. Emotional health as well. You come to work in a better. You're just naturally going to be more productive because you feel better. [00:13:52] Speaker B: Yeah. You're excited to go to work. I talk a lot about the Sunday night blues, which a lot of people have because they're, you know, they have such a great weekend. They're excited Friday because it's the week again, and then Sunday night, just after supper, they're like, oh, my God, I gotta go back to that place tomorrow. Some people are very excited and some people just don't want to go. And that's for numerous reasons, which we could discuss on another topic altogether. But it is nice to have that gratitude, to be like, okay, I'm so excited. I'm going to be working on this project with my boss. And that's kind of pushing me forward and making me want to. Want to continue on this project and make it grow and that. So super exciting. [00:14:33] Speaker A: Yeah. The thing about gratitude, that is adds to it even more. Like the more amazingness part of it is it doesn't cost anything. [00:14:43] Speaker B: It doesn't. [00:14:44] Speaker A: You're not. We're not asking leaders or anybody to. You're not giving. What's the word? Expensive gifts. It's just words of affirmation, words of appreciation. It costs nothing, and they have immense value. [00:14:57] Speaker B: It certainly does. So it's a great segue to our. My next question here to you, which is, how can we build habits that reflect more graduates so we know what it is? How do. How do we build those habits? [00:15:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I get asked this a lot because it. The question is kind of like, okay, well, that's all fine and good. How do I become more grateful? How do I. How do I make myself more grateful? And so I've got this really cool exercise I would love to share with you. [00:15:26] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:15:27] Speaker A: It's called the But I'm grateful for exercise. So, Andrew, what is something that happened either in the past 24 hours or maybe in the past week that really annoyed you? Frustrated you? Annoyed you? What. What was something that happened? [00:15:43] Speaker B: Well, I'm gonna be honest and vulnerable here. So to our listeners, we've been trying to get this podcast going with Lori and taping it, and I had two instances. One, the power went out just an hour before we were about to tape. And then the next time we're supposed to. I was having some Internet issues, and I had the cable company come in and check the Internet out to fix it, because we were having some issues here at the house. So those were kind of things that were just driving me crazy. And I'm sure a lot of listeners, when it comes to technology, a lot of things come up and it could drive somebody crazy, especially when something is always working and that day doesn't work. [00:16:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So now, where could you find gratitude for that? Not for that situation, but. So it's. [00:16:33] Speaker B: It's. [00:16:33] Speaker A: The question is, okay, I'm super frustrated and angry and over tech issues that. The fact that the Internet was down and I really needed to use it, but I'm grateful for what? [00:16:46] Speaker B: So I'm gonna say I'm grateful because you were not the only one. There was someone else as well. And I am grateful for the response that I received from both of you to say, it's okay. These things happen. When did you want to do it? So we rebooked it right away in a conversation, both of you. So I was worried that things that weren't going well, and I was worried about the response that you and the other person were going to give me when, in reality, I. When I think about it, I Probably didn't really have to worry about it because it's things that were understandable were things that were unavoidable and out of my control. [00:17:25] Speaker A: Yeah, so the exercise helps you reframe things, and it doesn't even have to necessarily be related. So a lot of times I'll hear people, you know, they got angry and frustrated because they were stuck in traffic and it made them late for their appointment or, you know, just things that things didn't go the way you expected them to. And so it's frustrating. We're human. We have these emotions. I'm frustrated that I got stuck in traffic and I was late to my appointment and it threw off my entire schedule for the whole day. But I'm grateful that we have blue skies and it's a beautiful day. I'm grateful that I have this delicious cup of tea to enjoy. Whatever it is. Find something. And so every time you come across a situation that angers you or frustrates you or just puts you off in any way, but I'm grateful for, and then find something to be grateful for. I'm grateful I have a comfortable bed to sleep in at night. It doesn't matter what it is. What you're doing is you're refocusing on something you're grateful for. And the more you do this, the more you are, again, literally rewiring your brain to find the gratitude in every situation. [00:18:40] Speaker B: And I love that because like you said, you can do it for anything. The one example for that would be like, okay, yeah, I, I'm. I'm stuck in traffic, but I'm grateful for this opportunity or this meeting opportunity that I get to meet this person. And I'm going to use the word poor building. I, I'm grateful for this opportunity that I'm going to meet this person. I'm going to build rapport with them and, and see how we can work together. So. And they're understanding as well. You might think, oh, my God, they're going to be, like, mad that I'm late. But things happen, like traffic, getting stuck in traffic. You just never know when you're getting in a car, what the roads are going to be like when you're going from one place to the other. So I agree with you on that for sure. [00:19:23] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. It's there. And, and I will add, there is always something to be grateful for. Always. If you cannot find gratitude in a specific situation, you call me, I will help you. I will find the gratitude for you. And I want to throw out Here, one caveat, and that is we're not putting on rose colored glasses and saying that situations that are truly unfortunate or sad don't exist. We're not disavowing the fact that something is happening. We're simply refocusing our attention to say, okay, this is what's going on. I see it, I feel it. I'm not saying don't feel frustrated or angry or sad. If those are your emotions, you feel them and then you find the gratitude somewhere. Some kind of gratitude doesn't have to be for that situation. Find the gratitude wherever you can. This will change your life. Practicing sounds crazy, right? Because it's a super simple little exercise will change your life. [00:20:26] Speaker B: And it sounds like it could, I'm sure also too, you can use it like you said, in any instance. And it could be as an example, I applied for this job and I didn't get it. So if the listeners today are they've applied for a job and they didn't get it, what kind of examples of something that they could be grateful for, what would you use in that instance? [00:20:54] Speaker A: It could be anything. I'm grateful again, like I had a clean sheets to sleep on last night. I have a delicious lunch to look forward to today. It doesn't have to be related to I didn't get the job. I'm grateful. You could say I'm grateful another opportunity is coming to me. Whether or not you see it yet or not, you have to believe that another opportunity is coming. This isn't the only job in the world. Right. So it could be related to that. But again, it's really about refocusing onto what else is happening in your life. I'm grateful I have a supportive partner. I'm grateful I have a soft fuzzy cat like whatever it is, find your gratitude somewhere in your life. It's, it exists. It's just a matter of looking for it. You know, I think it was my mom or my grandmother or somebody. You said you'll always find what you're looking for, right? So where is your attention focused? [00:21:51] Speaker B: So do you think that we underestimate the role of gratitude in the workplace 100%? [00:21:56] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. Because I've heard all kinds of things that saying thank you to employees is showing weakness that they already know. I appreciate them because they get a paycheck every week or every two weeks. This and, and I had a cli. I had somebody when I was, when I had the gratitude cookie business. I was talking to this woman at a networking event and you know, mentioning that my Clients send these to their clients as a way to say thank you for their business. And she said, that's ridiculous. Of course they know you're thankful for their business. I was like, okay, well, clearly you're not going to be a good fit for my business, because you don't get it. It's not. First of all, so many communication issues come up because people assume that other people understand where they're coming from when they haven't clearly stated it. So from a communication standpoint, let's be clear about our appreciation for others, whether they are clients or customers or employees or vendors. Anybody that is in your. In. We underestimate the power of it. And it's underused for one thing, because, like, it's so simple. How could something so simple be so powerful? Why do we have to complicate everything? This is what humans do. Right? I need something that has 17,000 steps so I can skip half of them and say it doesn't work. No, you know, it's simple. [00:23:17] Speaker B: I had one leader that told me that I should be lucky to have a job. [00:23:23] Speaker A: Oof. [00:23:23] Speaker B: This was way, way back. I'm gonna say probably I'm gonna date myself here. So I'm probably gonna say I'm good. Twenty years ago, this is what they. They had told me. And I won't lie. [00:23:34] Speaker A: You know what? I think they're the lucky ones. [00:23:36] Speaker B: Yes. And I. I kind of wasn't sure how to respond. I didn't respond, and I wasn't sure how to respond to that. But in this conversation, I would probably say, if I was today, I would be saying to myself, in that situation, I'm grateful for any opportunities that gonna come forth for me. And I'm not just saying that leaving that company, but there's gonna be other opportunities that are. That are gonna come for me. So I would. I would try to find a positive in that. But yes, that's really tough to. [00:24:09] Speaker A: I am grateful. My value is not dependent on your opinion. [00:24:13] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. That's a good one for sure. Because, yes, we do have our values and we do know what value we bring. And we may not have to hear that. We just know. But again, it's nice to hear it, but we don't have to hear it. [00:24:27] Speaker A: I think it. I think it is kind of a requirement to show appreciation and share gratitude with employees. [00:24:35] Speaker B: I think so. [00:24:36] Speaker A: For maintaining morale, for maintaining engagement, and for helping them know that they have value because everybody feels insecure and so reinforcing that, helping them understand that they are valuable, that they are Making an important contribution, again, going back to what we were talking about earlier, engenders their loyalty. So I would venture to say the majority of employers and leaders do not express their gratitude enough, if ever, simply because they don't think of it. It's not necessarily because they don't have gratitude for those employees or that they, like I said, some of them think it's, it's just saying thank you is showing a sign of weakness, which is ridiculous. But it's more that they just don't think of it. [00:25:20] Speaker B: I think that a lot of them assume that things are going well, but they don't take the time to ask the questions, how are things going? So in other words, like, I don't hear anything. So if I don't hear anything, then everything should, Everything is good. But. [00:25:36] Speaker A: Right. [00:25:36] Speaker B: Just because you're not hearing anything doesn't mean that it's all good. It could be that people are just being quiet and keeping to themselves and deciding, well, I'm just not going to say anything. I'm just going to put my head to the grindstone, do my work, and at five o', clock, I'm going to clock out. [00:25:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. I, I do not have any children, but I do know that if, if things in the house, if you have children and things in the house are too quiet. [00:26:01] Speaker B: Yes. [00:26:02] Speaker A: You better go check. [00:26:03] Speaker B: Well, it's an adult too, right? I mean, if you call a friend of yours and they're always so friendly and chatty and that one time you call them, you're like, I'm okay. Mind everybody but myself. I probably dig a little bit deeper and say, okay, are you sure? It doesn't sound like you're okay. [00:26:18] Speaker A: Is right. [00:26:19] Speaker B: Is everything all right? And I'm here if, if you need somebody to listen. Yeah. But I think that if you're doing that, you have to be prepared. So when I do that, I'm prepared because I, I'm preparing myself for what it could be. [00:26:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:33] Speaker B: And I'm prepared to listen. If I'm not prepared to listen, if I don't have time to listen, then I will say, hey, listen, if you're looking to talk, I'm free later. If you want to have a conversation, give me a call and we'll. We'll chat. [00:26:45] Speaker A: Right? Yeah. Actually, I, I don't remember where I saw this, but eight minutes is all it takes for somebody to, for you to listen to somebody to help them feel better. [00:26:56] Speaker B: Yep. That makes total sense. That makes total, total sense. So before we wrap up here, what is the One message that you hope. [00:27:03] Speaker A: Sticks with our listeners today, the enormity of the power of gratitude. That, that this one concept and energetically getting into science for us a couple seconds here. As in we are all energetic beings in this world, in this universe, so we all operate at different vibrations, different levels of energy. Gratitude caliber calibrates at the highest energetic level that you can get to. So feeling gratitude, sharing gratitude, expressing gratitude, like making gratitude a big focus in your life. Spending maybe five minutes as you pour your cup of coffee or tea in the morning thinking about what you are grateful for today, you know, what you're looking forward to, to be grateful for or at the end of the night, what happened today that was fantastic. What or what can I be grateful for from today? And just keeping your focus there has such an enormous impact. I mean, like we said, it affects your energy and your vitality. It reduces anxiety and depression. It create, you know, relieves stress, helps you sleep better, decreased pain, physical pain, like all of these things. So what I would like for listeners to take away from this is how this gratitude pill, if you will, can absolutely change your life, change your outlook and not only change your life, because if you change your energy and your outlook, that has a ripple effect. So now you're changing the people around you as well. [00:28:40] Speaker B: Definitely. If you're showing gratitude, then I think the people around you are going to show gratitude as well. And it just makes it such a nice environment to be in for sure. I definitely agree with you on that. My call to action today would be to like share and follow this episode. I want to take the time to thank you for coming on today. I admire your profound way of showing kindness, your infectious desire to succeed, your engaging personality. Thank you for being a champion of curiosity and I really appreciate you coming on to chat with us today, Lori. [00:29:14] Speaker A: My pleasure. Thanks for having me, Andrew. [00:29:16] Speaker B: You are very welcome. On behalf of myself and my guest today, Lori, I'd like to thank you all for listening. And until next time, be safe. And remember everyone, that if we all work together, we can accomplish anything. [00:29:29] Speaker A: You have been listening to. Let's be diverse with Andrew Stout to stay up to date with future content. Hit Subscribe.