Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Opinions expressed in this episode are personal. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this streaming platform.
[00:00:25] Speaker B: Foreign.
People and welcome to another edition of let's Be Diverse. I am your host, Andrew Stout. This episode is dedicated to all my loved ones who supported me through this journey. Those who have left us will forever be in our hearts and will never be forgotten. Today our topic is family leadership, where values become vision. Our guest today is one super awesome human. Her name is Brittany Anderson. Brittany, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for joining us today.
[00:01:08] Speaker C: Thank you, Andrew. So glad to be here. Thank you so much for having me.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: You're very welcome. How were things with you, Brittany? What's going on in your world? Give me the tea, the deets, give me it all. What's going on?
[00:01:19] Speaker C: Yeah, a lot. My husband and I just launched a book in October so we've been super busy with all of that. The book is called Living Room Leadership. So a little tease there. And yeah, so that's been a big focus the last several months that just launched in October. It sold out Amazon twice. So yeah, that's been keeping really us really busy. And yeah, the book is really a primer on the work that we do with couples and families as well as individuals. But yeah, so excited to jump into a little bit more about that today. But yeah, the book has been a big focus of attention as of late. So excited about that, excited about this conversation.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: Excited again to have you on here today. But before we begin, I always have a fun, thought provoking question that I ask my guest to get things going. Are you ready for yours today? Beautiful.
[00:02:09] Speaker C: I am ready.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: What do you value more comfort or growth and why?
[00:02:16] Speaker C: Absolutely. Growth. Yeah, I. It's easy to stay comfortable and it's not to say I don't struggle with wanting to stay comfortable because I think that's part of the human experience.
But yeah, I'm always trying to grow. And with that I will say there are times I think we, we over invest in coaching or reading or learning and sometimes we need to just sit with what we've learned and I don't really consider that comfort but sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to practice and learn. And so that's kind of the area where I think I struggle with most. It's not so much staying comfort and it's the over commitment to growth and realizing wait, I need to sit with this specific learning or insight or just something I'm experiencing. I need to sit with it a little longer. I think there are times where we're called to Lead. But then there's also times when we're called to learn. And so, yeah, that's been a key area for me is discerning those spaces where I'm not necessarily staying comfortable, but I need to sit with where I'm at and just learn and deepen in that. And so yeah, I can, I can be over focused on growth to the detriment of myself sometimes. So yeah, yeah. Would encourage everyone listening to, to think about that and are you over investing in your own growth at the expense of deepening in what you're. You're learning in the seasons?
[00:03:41] Speaker B: Love those words. Those are so poignant because I know for myself I am someone who is big on, on growth, but I. In the last four or five years, it's been really more important to me than ever because of the fact that you were. I just think that when you stay stagnant, then, then I think things become boring. So my mind is always going. Anybody that knows me well, my mind is always spinning. Ideas are always going through my head. I'm always taking notes. But I'm also looking to look at myself and not that you want to be perfect. I don't use the word perfect because I think perfection is impossible to have. But to continue to grow and to build on who I am as an individual is very important to me. And as I get older, it's become even more important to me as well.
[00:04:30] Speaker C: Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah. I think most of us are educated beyond the level of our obedience. Right. So we're constantly looking for that next thing to grow and change and level up, but we don't always apply it, we don't always practice it. And so, yeah, deepening in our learning is key. So. Yeah, love that, Andrew, I'm glad that you're continuing to invest in that and I feel it. I'm that way too.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: I appreciate that. So I know you kind of talked a little bit about your book, but to. To set the stage, can you share a bit about your path and the purpose that drives your leadership today?
[00:05:03] Speaker C: Yeah. So the book is a little bit about our story. My husband and I nearly went through a divorce in 2019. I was a military spouse. He retired last year or in 2024 rather. It's almost two years ago now and very. Marriages are hard. He was an Air Force One pilot actually, so flew two different presidents all over the world. And before that was just gone constantly leading up to his time getting hired in the Air Force One unit. He was just gone for most of our marriage. And I had gotten to a point in 2019 where I just didn't want to do it anymore. It was really hard on me. I had made so many sacrifices in terms of my relationships and my career.
And we had two little kids. I was trying to build a career. I was in leadership at a nonprofit at the time. And, yeah, so we had kind of gone through this really hard season and somehow out of that, rediscovered each other and started showing up for each other differently. And I was going into work every day.
I did strategic work, strategy work at first at this nonprofit. I later worked at a consulting firm firm doing coaching and strategy development, facilitation. But I was going into work every day helping organizations build a vision, purpose, values, figure out who they were, their. Their identity as an organization. And yet I was thinking, we do this at work or in our businesses, why don't we apply these same principles in our families and we kind of overlook them in our families. And so that was really what brought us kind of back together, was this commitment to having a vision, having purpose, having values, having a shared identity, but understanding who each of us were on an individual level. So when we work with families, we do a lot of work on what's my unique identity, who are each of us in this family as individuals, because we're all different, and how do we understand each other, what are our strengths? We do a lot of work with CliftonStrengths. And what I love about that assessment is there's an assessment for adults, there's also an assessment for kids, so you can really understand each other through the lens of what's right about you versus what's wrong or what you need to correct or what you need to fix and really catalyzing those strengths and then also what the strengths reveal about what each of you need to. Need to provide to yourselves, need to provide to each other. So there's all of that. And that's really what kind of redeemed us and brought us back together, was this work to better understand each other, root in that vision, purpose, values, and really have systems and commitments we were making to each other as a family. And so that's really what led to Renala being born in 2022 was this. This whole idea of how can we help others? And initially, I had started it to support other women who were like me, who were leading but struggling in their families. And the. The more I got into it, the more that I discovered that as these women were growing, it was actually widening the gap in their relationships because their family and their Key relationships were not coming alongside or along with them and growing with them. And so that's when we started to really look at this being so. How to support an entire family in growing together.
[00:08:17] Speaker B: I love your story. Not because it was difficult, and this is the reason why I wanted to have this conversation today, and we'll discuss that a little bit more as it goes on, but how you took what you've learned and your skills and what you were doing in your previous position in your leadership role, talking about mission, vision, values, and you rediscover what you want the organization to look for. When they're looking at the organization, what do you want them to see? How you want your organization to be portrayed, and then you focus it on the family as well, and how, you know, you want each other to be portrayed. So it's amazing how you're able to take that and put it into your personal life as well. And I just think that's amazing.
[00:09:02] Speaker C: Brittany, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's been a journey. When we started this, I started becoming obsessed with the idea of play.
And I know we want to unpack that a little bit more, but as we, you know, initially, I started looking at it because I was like, okay, how do I engage kids in this process of vision, purpose, values? Are they even going to care about this stuff? Surprisingly, they do. But the more I really got into this whole idea of play. I got certified in LEGO serious play. I am certified in something called narrative intelligence as well. And so it's all about storytelling and the stories that we tell ourselves and the stories that we want to tell. Uh, and so the more I discovered, you know, when you're using both of your hands, you're activating 80% of your brain, whereas if you're talking aloud, you're only activating 15%. And so play has been not just powerful for engaging kids in this process. It's. It's been, I think, even more powerful for adults, especially if you have a spouse who you don't think is going to engage or therapy hasn't worked for you. You're. You don't think they're going. They're going to do the work. They're ready to do the work. Play makes it so simple. I've had so many families who maybe usually the wife is coming to me and saying, my husband's not going to. He's going to come, but he's not going to participate. We. I get them playing with some Legos and doing some facilitated exercises using those, and they're suddenly Their husband's pouring themselves out in just a few minutes through some Lego bricks. So it's really incredibly powerful work. Yeah.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: So I know you kind of mentioned a little bit about this here, but I want to go a little bit more in depth here. When you hear the term family leadership, what does that mean to you, Brittany?
[00:10:42] Speaker C: Yeah, well, we believe that leadership begins at home. And so if you're not leading well in your personal life and in your family, then you're leaving a lot of growth and leadership on the table in your professional life as well. And so I also believe that the family represents a really safe space to really practice the greatest principles, principles of leadership, without having the pressure of getting it right all the time, knowing what you're doing. And so we really believe that your leadership development can be. Can continue when you walk through your front door in the evening. And so I think, imagine just the ability to understand yourself and understand these people that you've decided to share your life with.
Your. Their identity. Your identity, your strengths, their strengths, their needs. Your needs, and how, you know, building that foundation at home enables you to take to go into an office or your business or whatever that looks like for you, and really cultivate that type of culture in a professional environment as well. So oftentimes, when I worked professionally, particularly at that company, before I started my business, I was doing a lot of strengths, work with teams. But oftentimes strengths can be a little bit hard to activate. Like, we don't really understand them. Hard to.
Sometimes people are in jobs that aren't really aligned with their strengths, and they don't realize until they take an assessment that shows them otherwise. And so I really think when you start at home and you make that commitment to that deeper understanding of yourself and the members of your family, it makes it so much easier to do in a professional context because you've done the hard work, you've been with a group that is generally more forgiving than your colleagues might be. And so it's a really powerful place to.
To begin really practicing your leadership, not just of your family, but of yourself. It definitely starts with yourself.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: I was smiling the whole time you're talking here because I talk about a safe work environment. And when you were talking about practicing a safe environment at home, it totally makes sense to me because we want to create, as a leader, a safe work environment where people are.
And I know people kind of may think it's weird to say, but excited to go to work, but in reality, we want people to be, oh, I get to go and see so and so or I'm working on this project with Brittany or I'm, I have a meeting with Brittany today and we're going to be talking about this project that we're going to be working on in the future. And you want people to be excited about that rather than oh my God, I gotta go back there tomorrow and I just really don't want to go in.
When you create that atmosphere at home, then yes, I agree with you. It's going to make it easy to, to go into the office the next day for sure.
[00:13:34] Speaker C: Yeah. I believe in this whole idea of holistic leadership. I think it's really powerful when discover we can be the same person in every sphere of our life. And I think that that self discovery is really, it starts at home, it starts when we're kids. And so as a parent investing in your, your children's growth, I think so much so many of us are investing in our, our own personal adults. But imagine what it could look like to help your kids actually understand who they are before they go out in the world tells them. And so there was a study done by NASA in the 90s that there was the man, the assessment, his name was George Land and he has a whole TED talk about this. If you look up his name, George Land and he talks about, he took this, this assessment that he had developed for NASA to find the greatest, the most innovative applicants for jobs to work at NASA. And so he, he saw this assessment, he developed this assessment and he thought, you know, this is actually a really simple assessment to take. We could probably give it to kids. And he did. He gave it to 3,500 children in the Head Start program. So they were 3 to 5 years old and 98% of them tested as creative geniuses. That number continued to decline as they got older. So at age 10 it had fell to like I, I don't know the exact percentages, but it had continued to fall. And then he didn't, he, so he had made that a longitudinal study and, and followed those children as they, they grew up and that number had continued to fall. They didn't, he didn't test them in adulthood, but he did. He tested tens of thousands of adults later on and only 2% tested his creative geni adulthood. And so that we use that research a lot in our work because we believe we want to maintain that level of creative genius in kids so that they are growing into the leaders that our world needs and they aren't leaving behind the creative genius that they had as children. And so, yeah, it's important for you as adults to kind of rediscover. And I think the family work can help you reclaim and rediscover some of that genius that was inside of you in childhood that you may have lost. But then also having this intention for your kids to not lose it and to maintain it and to encourage and support them in what they are uniquely gifted at. And so it's all kind of part of that holistic approach to leadership that we don't have to be different people at home and at work. We can actually bring all of ourselves. And I think that's a really beautiful thing.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: So that's a great segue into what I wanted to talk about next, which is what can we learn about leadership by observing different cultural family structures?
[00:16:13] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean the family looks different everywhere and we all have different expressions of family experiences of family. I spent in 2019 when my husband and I were nearly going through that really difficult time. I was working at a non profit called World Vision. And they are a global nonprofit in 100 different countries supporting water, clean water health, global health, education, so many amazing things in a hundred different low resource countries. It's a huge, massive nonprofit. But I was working on a, A, an initiative between World Vision, USAID and the Australian government to help support child literacy in low resource countries.
And we were emphasizing, you know, focusing on the family. And so yeah, it was there that I really learned, I mean, I think family, it, it is different for all of us. We all have different experiences. But I feel like it is one thing that it also unites us. It's kind of like play. We can just go and play and there's no divide. Like it's just we all play. We all have a desire to play. I think we all, everybody has a family, whether we have a positive view of that or not. But we all have a longing for family and connection and growth in that, in a family context. And so, so yeah, I think the family just supporting different families has been a gift and they, I think overall we really all want the same things. It's just coming together and discovering that we actually do and having a process to discover that is also really helpful for growing our leadership. So hopefully that answers your question.
[00:17:59] Speaker B: It certainly does. And when you're talking about longing for connection, I'm 100% in agreement on that. Because you even like in the business world, we're collaborating with people, we're working with people. You and I connected, we collab. Now we're collaborating here. So that connection is super important because, you know, we, when you look at it in the grand scheme of things, we're all trying to get somewhere. We're all trying to be someone or we all have our goals that we're, we're trying to achieve. And sometimes people feel like that they're on their own and that they're on an island by themselves. But when you gain that connection and you meet amazing people who are so supportive of you, that means a heck of a lot. For sure.
[00:18:46] Speaker C: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, it's. I think the family is where we learn how to treat other people, how to treat ourselves. And so it's so important for just being intentional and being grounded in a shared set of values and a vision and a purpose. Because, yeah, this is how I think we, we raise the next generation is grounded in these things because so much of what we're seeing in the world now, we, we need grounded, connected leaders to rise up and so we can support each other and have innovative solutions to, to all of the horrible things that are, you know, still existing in our world. So, yeah, that connection is super important.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: It is for sure. And I, I feel like we are leaders and everyone follows at home, your kids are going to follow what you're doing in the office. You're the people that are underneath you or on your team. They're going to follow what you're doing. So if you're in chaos, then they're going to act within the chaos as well. If you're calm, have a calm demeanor, then they're going to follow that suit for sure.
[00:19:52] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, modeling is so important in addition to having these conversations as a family about your values, about your vision, about your purpose, about who you are. If you're not modeling those things for them, they're not going to, they're not going to stick. And I think that that's as true in organizations as it is in the family. Oftentimes, you know, I think even an organization, they do the work to, to build the vision, purpose, values, all of those things, because kind of they're supposed to. Right? But if you're not actively reviewing how you're doing and modeling those things, or if you're, you're not modeling those things or creating commitments around how you want to, then they're kind of, they, they can be ineffective and sometimes even counterproductive, I think. And so, yeah, it's so important to not only have these guiding principles, but to figure out how you are committing to them, how you as the leaders, parents especially, or leaders in A workplace are going to model them because vision is, I can't achieve a vision for the future if I'm not embodying that vision for myself first. And so that's the beauty of vision, I think, is, is what it calls in you to embody first before you can expect anyone else to embody or change and step into it. So the modeling is so, so important.
[00:21:11] Speaker B: So, Brittany, you talked earlier about your story in 2019. What are the biggest challenges of being a leader in your own home? Because I'm reasonable, I'm asking as, because I, I'm sure that there was some struggles. There was some times that you kind of look back and am I doing things differently or am I doing things well? Am I not?
Tell us a little bit about that.
[00:21:32] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, our struggles might be a little bit different than others because we've just navigated so much separation and so much uncertainty and so, and we're still navigating that. I know my husband, I said my husband retired two years ago now, but he's been flying for a private company and is still gone frequently. I mean, right now he's been gone for three weeks. And so yeah, that challenge for us has been that integrating back in when our schedule is so uncertain, we don't know when things are going, when he's going to leave, when he's going to be home, often in times until a week before or even a few days before. And so, and that's just been our lives for the last 20 years. And so, yeah, for us it's that challenge of me balancing kind of both worlds of being single mom and, and then kind of having to reintegrate him. And so we have rhythms as a family to make sure we're having a conversation when he gets home to talk about, you know, what happened while he was gone, how we're doing. So yeah, we're, we're really intentional about that. We also have monthly check ins where we are really revisiting our vision, purpose, values. How are we doing?
How are we showing up for ourselves, for each other? So we have a monthly rhythm that we do for that we've been previously leading some other families through that in a community. We just shut that community down because it's, it's really hard to get families on a phone call at the same time. We had them in five different time zones, so it's just really hard. And so we've been supporting them in different ways. But yeah, we were doing that as a group of families. A call each month to kind of have those conversations, but we're continuing to have them as a family as well. And then we do a process each month where we're brainstorming all the things we want to say yes to as a family. And so we'll, we'll look at the month ahead and you know, we want to see this movie, we want to do this thing. So we're making those commitments at the start of each month to make sure that we are saying yes to all of the things that are important to us in making space and putting that time on our calendar. We do something as a family each year called yes Week as well.
It's usually the first week of my kids are out of school for the summer. And that's the week that we are revisiting our Vision, Purpose values. Because your kids are growing, they're changing. They every year is going to look a little bit different because they are constantly changing and growing at this stage. And so it's been really important to have that touch point each year, especially going into a slower season of summer. And so we're revisiting Vision, Purpose values, having important conversations as a family. And then we're just going out and saying yes to, to each other and playing, playing together. And that's not just us saying yes to our kids, it's also them saying yes to us in the things that are fun for us and important to us. And so it's a really great way of just kind of level sett figuring out what we want for the year ahead and, and making it giving ourselves an on ramp to begin saying yes to those things and saying yes to each other. And so I think that can be. It's. It's fun. And as a family, I think it could be just as powerful in a workplace for an organization or a team to do a yes week together and start that process of what are we saying yes to in the, in the next year and how are we supporting each other and all of that as well.
[00:24:43] Speaker B: So I love your answer and I basically, from what I'm gathering, what you're saying here is, which is what I figured. Communication and intention is very key into everything that you're going through. When we're talking about balancing both worlds and looking at vision, purpose and values, those are, those two things are probably key.
[00:25:07] Speaker C: Absolutely. Yes, yes. Intention. And I think intention and commitment, because I think oftentimes we have intentions as a family, but if we don't have the conversation and we don't commit to those things, we don't follow through on how if, if and how we committed to those things. That's also super important is that commitment to those things. And that's why we have that, that monthly meeting to really get stuff on the calendar and commit to things. Because otherwise, you know, I know that the phrase goes, the days are long, the years are short. And that's so true, especially when you're raising kids. It gets away from you fast. And so you have to be intentional, you have to be committed to showing up or else you're going to blink and it's, it's all going to be done.
[00:25:50] Speaker B: Yeah, I could think of organizations that have said that, oh, yeah, we want to do this or we want to put this process in, and they have a big meeting with everybody and saying, this is what we want to do. And, and then they send an email out confirming it. And then six months later, you look back and you're sitting back, sit beside your co worker and like, hey, did they ever put that process in that they talked about six months ago? Because I never heard anything about it. Did you? And they were like, no, I didn't hear anything about it. And then it just kind of flies by the wayside. So they, they have the great idea of, yeah, this is what we want to do, and we think it's gonna be great for your organization and it's gonna help build a great culture and, and we're gonna have engagement with, with everyone. But then nothing happens, so things get busy or they, their structure becomes different. But yes, you definitely have to put it on paper because if you don't, then. And lots of things are going to fall through, like you said.
[00:26:45] Speaker C: For sure. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:26:48] Speaker B: So before we wrap up here, what is one key takeaway that you'd like our listeners to remember from this episode? Brittany?
[00:26:56] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, if, if there are parents listening, which I'm hopeful there are, I believe you are the most powerful people in the world. And so often, you know, my husband flew what most of us think, tend to think is one of the most powerful people in the world, the president.
And yet we don't believe that, that they're the most powerful. We believe that parents are, and we believe that you have the ability to change the future, raise the leaders that our world needs, both now and in, in the future, and the ability to become those yourself by really leading your family, leading yourself. Well, and so I hope that whoever's listening is inspired by the power that you have and also just to remember to play. I talked a little bit about play earlier. Play is so important. To how we are developing as leaders, both in our homes, at work. So, yeah, discover what is playful for you and gets you into that flow state where you just lose track of time.
You're so engaged in that activity that you lose track of time. It can be with your kids, it can be with your spouse or your partner, or it can just be alone. But what is play look like for you and when is the last time you played? Because oftentimes we, we work with so many adults who I was like, oh, I love to do that. And I'm like, well, when's the last time you did it? They're like five years ago or 30 years ago. So yeah, play is so important to our growth in as leaders in our homes and in our workplaces or our businesses. And so figure out what's playful for you, remember that and, and do it and see what opens up for you. Because it's not just about reading books or taking the next course or engaging in that leadership development program. You're going to learn so much more about yourself and create the most innovative ideas by simply sitting down and allowing yourself to play and get into that state of flow. So those are two pieces of advice I would give to close out.
[00:28:58] Speaker B: I love it. I love it. For anyone that's listening, I'd love you all to like share and follow this episode. That is my call to action today. I wanted to take the time to thank you for coming on today, Brittany. I just admire your ability to dive into difficult conversations, your fear driven mentality, your tenacity and your vulnerability. It's been an absolute pleasure having you on as a guest today. So thank you for joining us today.
[00:29:24] Speaker C: Thank you so much, Andrew. I appreciate that.
[00:29:26] Speaker B: You're very, very welcome. On behalf of myself and my guest, Brittany, I'd like to thank you all for listening today. And until next time, be safe. And remember, everyone, that if we all work together, we can accomplish anything.
[00:29:40] Speaker A: Opinions expressed in this episode are personal. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this streaming platform.
[00:29:57] Speaker B: Sam, It.
[00:30:48] Speaker C: Sam.
