Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Opinions expressed in this episode are personal. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this streaming platform.
[00:00:10] Speaker B: Good day, everyone, and welcome to another edition of let's Be diverse. I am your host, Andrew Stout. This episode is dedicated to all my loved ones who supported me through this journey. Those who have left us will always be in our hearts and will never be forgotten. Today we're going to be talking about evaluating the makeup of our circle. I'm super excited to have as my guest today to discuss this Jennifer Jell. Welcome to the show, Jennifer. I'm so happy to have you on today.
[00:00:34] Speaker C: Thank you so much. And just a side note, many people don't know this. Probably most people don't know this, but my last name is pronounced Yale. You never guess it. So no problem.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: Jennifer Yale, as in like the college?
[00:00:48] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: Wonderful. Well, thanks for sharing that with us. You never want to butcher somebody's names. I will remember that next time. How's everything with you? What's new? What's going on? Give me the tea, give me the deets.
[00:01:00] Speaker C: Me.
[00:01:00] Speaker B: Give me at all. What's going on?
[00:01:01] Speaker C: Things are really great. Thank you so much for having me. I am building business. I am a single mom of three kids as well, so kind of I don't really believe in balance, but I'm balancing the best I can to build my coaching business. So I'm a men's empowerment coach and life as a mom.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: Do you have your hands full?
[00:01:21] Speaker C: I do.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: You have both hands in the cookie jar?
[00:01:24] Speaker C: Most of us, yes, exactly. No complaints though, whatsoever?
[00:01:28] Speaker B: No. Well, that's good. From the conversation that I've had with you, you seem like you are on top of everything and you seem like you're a good mom and you seem like you are a good businesswoman and people seem to gravitate to you. That's why I wanted to have you on today. So I'm super excited to have this conversation and to have you on today.
[00:01:47] Speaker C: Thank you so much. That is. That is so kind. I'm really excited to be here. Thank you.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: You're very welcome. I'm glad to hear that things are going well. Before we begin, I always have a fun, thought provoking question to ask my guests to get things going.
[00:02:00] Speaker C: Yikes.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: Are you ready for yours today?
[00:02:02] Speaker C: I think so. I'm afraid so.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: My question to you is, what is a pizza topping that most people hate that you secretly love?
[00:02:11] Speaker C: Okay. I would say a pizza would be really, really complete no matter what the other ingredients are. If it has a bunch. Now, please don't judge me a bunch of onions and arugula. I like onions and arugula. It's nothing like, like pineapple, like maybe some people would say, or anchovies.
[00:02:29] Speaker B: I did not expect that arugula answer, but I have had, I have had pizza with arugula on it and it's very good.
[00:02:36] Speaker C: It's good. It has a good little spicy taste to it.
[00:02:39] Speaker B: It does, yes. If you're looking for that spicy tang taste to it is definitely the answer for sure. So I would be with you on that one. As far as, as far as that goes.
Thanks for your amazing answer and for having fun me. I really appreciate it. I know you kind of gave a little bit of a synopsis of yourself, but what I would like for you to do is to start off with telling us a little bit about yourself and I'd also want to hear about your why.
[00:03:05] Speaker C: Okay.
So as quickly I will try to put this into a little bit of a nutshell. My journey of self discovery began about five years ago and before that time I was a toxic people pleaser and I consistently put myself into really unhealthy situations which were of my choosing. I don't play a victim in any way. I put myself into abusive personal relationships, abusive business relationships. I lost a ton of money in both kind of situations. And all because I, at the end of the day I did not know who I was, what my belief system was. I didn't have any kind of integrity because while I was good intentioned, I just had no idea who I was. And so that made me a very insecure person. I was a very weak person. And so I based my values and my self worth on whoever I was around, which is definitely not the way to go. And so I eventually hit a rock bottom. So a side note, I am also among my three kids. My youngest is special needs and he's had a very long journey. He was born with a chromosome deletion and has complex cardiac defects as well as orthopedic problems and development, developmental delay and so there was a certain point at which our stories converged in a relationship I was in left five years ago my son actually started getting abused like I was and at that point I woke up and realized that I had to change my life immediately. And thus began my self discovery journey in which I received coaching, therapy, business, mentorship, got really deep into the word of God, just really figured out my own authenticity, my boundaries, my values, beliefs, all of the good stuff that I never took the time to figure out before. And that Led me to want to share that with other people in the form of coaching. I also love writing, and so my coaching kind of progressed from one thing to another, which I feel like I was on a journey led by God. Like, I went from wanting to coach women who were like me to progressively, like. As I got more into the word of God, I knew that I wanted to help men be their best selves and into the true meaning of masculinity as what we were created to be as men and women. And I don't know, I. I think the reason it means so much to me is because of the experiences I've had with men not being their best selves. And what's more important to me even than me is the fact that my two teen daughters were not raised by a father in the right way. And I believe that there are things that a father can do that a mother cannot do. And so ultimately, you know, society, I think, has emasculated men, and I see that. And we need strong men more than ever, because strong men create healthy families, healthy marriages, healthy children, healthy communities, a healthy society. So that's my why so much I.
[00:06:02] Speaker B: Want to pack into there. First off, an amazing story from where you came and where you are now and what I love about your story and what I love about what you say and what you do. Being a man. I've had some amazing women leaders in my life who have taught me and molded me into the person that I am today. And I'm. I'm very fortunate to have had those people in my life. So you saying that you're wanting to work with strong men is very admirable to me because there's not a lot of women who would do what you're doing and want to do what you're doing and have that why and feel strongly about what they're doing. It's very admirable to me and I truly admire you for doing that. It's not an easy road, I'm sure, but I know that you have your goals set and you seem to be a strong human to be able to get yourself through that. So that's very admirable of you, for sure.
[00:06:58] Speaker C: Thank you so much. I think it's benefited me too, as well, indirectly in that, you know, after I kind of hit that rock bottom, I became. It wasn't an easy road to recover from that, from all of those experiences. It took me a while, and in that time I became very masculine myself. Very independent, very masculine minded, very protective, probably too defensive. So I think in the work that I've especially in the last two years have done with men, it's brought, it's also brought me back to my femininity.
[00:07:27] Speaker B: And that totally makes sense for sure. And it's normal. A perfect example of what you said would be being Canadian. If I travel to little more. And like I have friends that live in Boston. So when I go to Boston and I'm there for a week, my, my accent transitions to a Boston accent, which is normal. So, so that would be an example of you just said they say you are what you eat. Right. So you act the way that you know, you're, you're, you're familiar with or what you're surrounded by. And, and that is, that is super normal. But from that, for me, a leader is someone who is a lot of follower. Leaders lead people and those people follow them.
[00:08:06] Speaker C: Right.
[00:08:07] Speaker B: Everyone that's working with you, you're leading them and they're following you. And you're following what you're learning instead as well. Which is, which is super amazing as well. So let's get into the meat and bones of this conversation here. So what is the importance of someone's circle?
[00:08:25] Speaker C: So I think an inner circle is like, you know that phrase. I can't remember the words exactly right now, but the five people that you surround yourself with are going to determine pretty much everything about you.
And so I think the importance of your circle, it impacts everything about you. Your character, your choices, your reputation and the outcomes, even your ambition. I think that without the right people in your circle, you risk stagnation.
Staying in a comfort zone, maybe being told things about yourself that aren't true as like a people pleasing type move from the other person.
It makes me think of a verse, Proverbs 13:20 says to walk with the wise and become wise, associate with fools and get into trouble.
[00:09:12] Speaker B: What I love about it is that when you talk about your choices and ambitions, you absolutely write. A perfect example would be if I am asking somebody to connect with them is because I looked at what they put in the universe. I feel they would benefit me in the long run to connect with them. And you just never know where things are going to lead, especially if they're positive people as well in our lives. So.
[00:09:37] Speaker C: Right.
[00:09:38] Speaker B: That is why I connect with people. And I love that you had mentioned that because I think it's super important. And yes, I do believe that we can be stagnant if we're not with the right people. And like I said, who wants to be around people who are Going to be negative nilies and are going to be putting you down. Some ideas are not going to work, but you need some positive role models to not tell you, hey, this is not going to work. But to say, I love your idea, love your ambition, here's what I think about your idea. Maybe if you did this and. Or can I make a suggestion to you that might help you that's more positive rather than telling somebody, I hate your idea, it's never going to work. Right?
[00:10:16] Speaker C: Yeah. Or even the opposite. Even saying I love your idea and not having meaning behind that can also do damage. Like you want to be able to have conversations about things. And that's one of the things in today's society that people are afraid to have conversations that may involve differing opinions. People don't want to have those conversations.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: Right. And even like if we are talking about, like in a leadership realm, people are afraid to approach their leaders to say, hey, this is what I think, or say to the leaders that they don't agree with something and tell them you have to do it in a certain tone and a certain manner. You can't say go off the rails and yell and scream. But I mean, if you're doing it in a professional tone and manner, they're going to respect you for that as well. And the same thing for leaders, if you're going to be talking to your team, not putting them down, but actually rather working with them to say, hey, let's get this project off the rails here, let's get it going, you know, let me see where I can help you. Or let's put a team of people together and let's work this project together and make sure that it is to the satisfaction of the companies. There are certain ways that we can do that. Right?
[00:11:21] Speaker C: I agree. And speaking of leadership, just really quick to throw in, I think good leadership is required in your circle because, you know, there are a lot of leaders who base their control. They want control, they want power. But a real leader empowers people through, you know, encouragement, empathy, common goals, working as a team, not I'm way better than you and you're way down here like a lot of leaders want to be.
[00:11:45] Speaker B: Exactly. So we talked about the importance of the circle. What I want to know, and we might have talked about this a little bit before, but I want to go a little bit deeper here and get your thoughts on this. How does one develop their circle?
[00:11:58] Speaker C: Well, I think first you need to figure out who you are as a person. Your goals, your values, your beliefs, your boundaries, you need to know who you are solidly, your authenticity. And I think at that point, maybe you take the time to actually evaluate your current situation. Who do you have in your circle that empowers you and motivates you to be better and do better than you did yesterday? And who also do you have in your circle that drains you of energy? Because I guarantee all of us have some of those people in our circles that we maybe should rethink. It's okay to, sad as it sounds, delete people from your circle. Now, sometimes these are family members and you can't really delete them, but you can distance yourself from toxic, negative people or even people who just have bad habits. So I think it's really important to find people in your circle who align with who you are. Not necessarily in every way value wise, but align with who you are as a person.
And I would say having some mentors, you know, there's something to be said in the fact that you should never be the smartest person in the room. Having mentors, always having somebody who's a step further along than you around you so that you constantly rise with them. And also I think it's important for you to be a mentor to somebody so maybe someone who is a step below you and that you can help them rise with you as you rise with the people above you. I think those are good ways to develop a circle. You should always think about expanding your network as well. Right? Connections like you mentioned, LinkedIn finding. There are so many opportunities on LinkedIn. I have met some amazing people, including yourself, people that we would never meet like in real life. And people bring opportunities that you would never think existed. So I think constantly having that expanding your network should be a goal that you, that you have for your circle. And I would also say that a circle, healthy, trusting circle, requires mutual investment. You need to be providing in order to consistently receive value back. So there has to be mutual integrity, mutual value added, mutual goals. I think honesty, reliability, responsibility to each other.
[00:14:17] Speaker B: So the things that kind of stuck out at me is, first of all, the mutual investment.
I agree with you. You can't always be expecting and receiving and receiving and receiving. You have to give as well. So I definitely agree with you on that. The other thing that kind of jumped out at me is you're talking about mentors. You were talking earlier about working with men and what it's taught you. And I could honestly say for myself, doing this podcast, I've had some great guests as well. And I've taken something from every episode that I've done. So it's given me the opportunity to continuously learn. And I think if we're stuck in a situation where we stop learning or feel that we don't have to learn anymore, then I, I think we're just going to be stagnant and we're going to struggle, I think, because the world is ever changing, things are changing, and who knows 10, 15, 20 years what it's going to look like. So we need to evolve and continue to evolve. And in order to do that, we need to continuously learn.
[00:15:16] Speaker C: I agree with you. That's that sense of reciprocity that's really required of any friendship or professional relationship to be successful. Yeah, I totally agree.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: So how does a social circle affect somebody?
[00:15:30] Speaker C: Well, I think first of all, and maybe people don't realize this, especially teenagers, being a mom of two teenagers, this is something I think about. But teenagers won't, won't hear you when you say this, but your circle definitely affects your reputation. You can surround yourself with certain people and you will be grouped into whatever that certain type of people are. And, and that's something to think about because if you are surrounding yourself with people who have bad habits, who, you know, maybe don't push themselves, have poor ethics or poor physical health, or go out and party at the clubs all the night, you're going to be, even if you aren't that way, you're going to be perceived as that.
And I think that's important. So keeping your circle with the fact of your reputation in mind, I think is really important. I think it can also affect your habits. Like I said just a few minutes ago, you know, if your circle has people who have bad habits, it's going to, you're. You pretty much can adopt the habits of the people that you are surrounding yourself with. So like I said, if people are going out drinking every night, you're probably going to be doing the same thing. If people are going to the gym every single day, you're going to be doing the same thing because you're going to want to keep up with them.
Also it can affect your decisions, I think will be better if you have healthy people in your circle. Your outcomes in life, professionally and personally will be better if you have good people in your life. Yeah, I would say decisions, habits, reputation and growth goes along with all of that, can affect all of that.
[00:17:03] Speaker B: When you talk about leading, your reputation will proceed you as well, because let's say your team is helping other team and they're slow at the job or they don't come up with ideas or they're not working or they're never at work, then that reputation precedes your team as well. So, yeah, you have to do everything that you can to make sure that the reputation of your team precedes itself so that when you're working with other teams, they don't see you as a detriment. They see you as, my God. This is. We're going to benefit from having these guys with us because of this and because of that.
[00:17:40] Speaker C: And one more, One other thing to throw in, I think, I think maybe in your. In your. The makeup of your circle, I think another thing to think about is aiming for meaningful people and relationships and trying to stay out of the comfort zone. So a lot of us have relationships like that are comfort zone relationships that don't push us. So staying out of the comfort zone in your relationships as well as in life, like we always hear about, I think is something to think about as well.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: For sure. For sure. So how can you make your inner circle more diverse?
So this is something that I see. The reason why I'm asking is because I see people struggling with this and I. I wanted to get your opinion on this and your thoughts on this.
[00:18:21] Speaker C: So I think. I think a good way to look at this is that diversity in a circle isn't just about inclusion, but it's about better collaboration, different perspectives, different values, different ideas, all for a common goal. I think work really well and get you further than people all. All with the same belief system and same values. For instance, one of my side projects is called Cornerstone, and it is a private networking support group that I co host. And in that group, it is full of very diverse people. Some people are believers in God, some people are not at all. Some people, you know, have this for a profession. Some people have the exact opposite for a profession. It's just full of really good people. But we all come together, we have great conversations, vulnerable conversations. We all provide really, really honest feedback. Nobody is ever judged, nobody has ever feels uncomfortable. And people feel comfortable to state their opinions without being. Without that fear of. I don't want to say this. And I think the benefit to that is different perspective and you see things from different angles that you wouldn't have seen before. So I think it's really important to include that in your personal social circles and as well as professionally.
[00:19:34] Speaker B: I love that because when you're having conversations with people, the last thing you want is to have somebody put you down or say, I don't believe in that or what have you, you want people to come out and be innovative and creative with their thoughts, and you want them to feel free to say what's on their mind. And I'm not talking about bashing somebody. I'm talking about having, like you said, deep conversations. Just because you see something and I say something doesn't mean I'm going to believe what you're saying. But just allowing that person the opportunity to say what's on their mind and inner thoughts is super important. And it's going to go so far. Whether you're in a personal situation or in a professional situation, let people speak and hear their thoughts and you just never know. Maybe you weren't thinking that way before, but maybe it might give you some extra things to talk about when you're, when you're by yourself or with others.
[00:20:31] Speaker C: Yeah, I agree. And at minimum, and like you just said, you don't have to adopt new thoughts or beliefs, but at minimum, having those kinds of conversations with differing perspective and opinion, it broadens your knowledge. The goal. One of the goals in life is to keep, to keep inputting knowledge into your brain because that's a great currency that nobody can take away from you and having. I always like to think of my parents as an example. My parents have been married for over 50 years. One of them is very conservative. One of them is very liberal. And they, they make it work. And they come over three nights a week. We have amazing conversations and we all have kind of different opinions and thoughts on things. It's. It's so cool. It's so cool. But this is what I think this is what we're supposed to do is we'll have. We're supposed to have conversations with people that don't necessarily align with who we are.
[00:21:23] Speaker B: Yeah. And. And understand and not put them down for what their thoughts are. Let. Let them speak. Because the more that we do that, the more people are going to feel comfortable to want to say their thoughts and their feelings on stuff. Absolutely.
[00:21:35] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: People are already timid as it is already. Right?
[00:21:39] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. And I think the more this happens in circles and in relationships, the more trust is built. And relationships need trust, whether it's professional or personal. And having honest conversations without judgment creates trust.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely. Listen, this has been a great conversation today. I really fully enjoyed it. Did you have any final thoughts today?
[00:22:02] Speaker C: Final thoughts on inner circles? I would just remember, I would encourage everyone to evaluate, like I said earlier, the situation they are in now. Do they need to reconfigure anything? Do they need to address some Conflicts that haven't been addressed. Do they need to be assertive in a. In a more effective way? Do they need to. Yeah, just. Just evaluate your circles and keep in mind how much it affects you. Your outcomes, your decisions, your reputation and your mental health.
[00:22:35] Speaker B: I love that. Listen, I want to take the time to thank you for coming on today. You are an extraordinary individual. Reached out to you way, way back. We had a great conversation and I wanted to tell you and then all the audience listening, you are such an admirable individual. I could just see how people want to resonate to you and they want to talk with you and they want to work with you. And I could just see that through this conversation. And I don't know about the listeners, but myself, I just want more. I just want to hear more of your thoughts and your feelings on things because they're just. They're just simply amazing. And I want to thank you for taking the time to come on here and chat with me today.
[00:23:16] Speaker C: Thank you so much for having me. That's so kind of you. Seriously, thank you so much.
And I would love to do this again.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: Absolutely. Well, don't go too far. We may have you back on again at some point here, Jennifer.
[00:23:30] Speaker C: I would love that.
[00:23:32] Speaker B: On behalf of myself and my guest, Jennifer, I'd like to say thank you all for taking the time to join us today. And until next time, be safe. And remember that if we all work together, we can accomplish anything.
[00:23:44] Speaker A: You have been listening to. Let's be Diverse with Andrew Stout to stay up to date with future content, hit Subscribe.
