Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] Speaker A: Opinions expressed in this episode are personal. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this streaming platform.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: Good day, everyone, and welcome to another edition of let's be diverse. I am your host, Andrew Stout. This episode is dedicated to all my loved ones who have supported me through this journey. We hear a lot about, especially on LinkedIn. People are talking about introverts and extroverts, and as I'm kind of coming up with great topics to talk about, I thought this might be something to kind of delve into something. It'd be interesting, something fun. So I thought, why the heck not? Let's just delve into it today. So I thought I would bring on somebody that is knowledgeable in this area and I'm so happy to have her on today. Her name is Laura Morlando. Now, Laura is a stress commando. It helps professionals and business network stress free, work free and free with AI, and look stress free so they can be more effective and confident. She is a speaker, sales and marketing consultant, the founder of working Stress Free with AI, and the founder and CEO of Down and Dirty Network online community, helping professionals and entrepreneurs co evaluate, collaborate and connect. After going from top tier corporate professional to successful entrepreneur due to her dad's cancer illness, Laura's pivot her business 100% to the virtual space due to an autoimmune and Lyme disease. So she knows the impact of stress and isolation on productivity and the importance of community and simplicity for workers, entrepreneurs and businesses to thrive. This individual is, I would say, a true dynamo. I've had several conversations with her. My first one, I was actually away on vacation and I took the time to have a chat with her and it was almost like I didn't want to hang up the phone because it was just such a great conversation. So I'm looking forward to this conversation and I'm sure you all will enjoy it as well. Welcome to the show, Laura. I am so happy to have you on today.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: Andrew, I'm so excited to be with you and to be with everyone listening right now.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: I am so excited to have you on. It's been a while. It seems like it was like forever since we booked this, but as time goes by, it feels like it was five minutes ago that we booked it. So it's pretty cool.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: I agree. You blink and here we are.
It's a weird time warp kind of thing. It's a long time, but not so much.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: Exactly. How are things with you? What's new with you in your world? What's going on? Tell us.
[00:02:47] Speaker A: The deets, the deets well, the exciting thing from today actually, is in my working stress free with AI community, I was able to do some really good q and a trainings and help people keep moving forward. It's one of the things I love being able to do is helping people move forward. And one of the things that I've learned coming out of corporate America and now an entrepreneur, I've been in different workplaces and I've been in different hiring situations as a leader. And one of the things I've learned is to really listen. And when you listen, you can tap in to what someone is really struggling. You might be hearing what they're saying, but you always want to really get to the root cause of what they're. What, what is it? Why they're saying what they're saying? And when I can do that, I can help people move forward. And moving forward doesn't mean you're running 10,000 paces in one large, you know, jump. You're not Superman. You're not, you know, jumping over a large mountain, it's 1ft in front of the other. And being able to do those consistent small steps and to be able to do that for somebody else and help them feel good about where they are and move forward is something I really love doing. And I was able to do that today. So that definitely raised my vibrational energy and warmed my heart.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: I love that. And I love when you said listen. So a lot of people have heard me say there's two types of listening, which is what I aim to do when someone needs to have a conversation. One is to listen, to give feedback, and the other one that I would say is listening with pause. So that is basically letting them speak and pausing and just continuously letting them speak without giving them feedback, because that's what they're looking for. So it's kind of trying to figure out the two what's that person looking for? They're looking for me to give an answer, or are they looking to just.
[00:04:34] Speaker A: I love that. And to just kind of build. I love that feedback and pause. I'm going to use that because that's really good. But it leads to two things really quick for me. So, one, when I was a hiring manager in corporate America, to your point, I would have to really discern who was the vendor and who was the one that was coming truly for problem solving. And so marry that with what I do now with my down and dirty networking, relational networking community. One of our core values is talk less, question more, and the bridge between those two, because there's several years between these two experiences. But the idea was simple. When I would have someone that was constantly venting to me, I would give them the space and grace to vent. But then there's a point where you can let it go on and on and on. And I would stop and I would say, you know what? I really appreciate you sharing this with me. Are you ready for a solution now or later?
I would ask a question, and it would be open ended. If they were just in the mode to keep venting, they're out of there. They're out of my office. They're like, okay, bye. And I said, well, I really hope this was helpful. And they're like, yeah, no, Laura, I really appreciate it. But the conversation ended, and invariably they would come back later and say, okay, I'm ready for a solution. And it just helped reframe their mindset that they are in control of the situation. We all need to vent. We all need to be able to release the stress valve that needs to happen. But there's a point where you have to take ownership and action and when are you ready for that solution? So I absolutely adore being able to ask that question, but I also love to just kind of build on the feedback piece and the pause. I also think there's the wanting to be curious to learn. So kind of what I was alluding to before about making sure you understand somebody. We can be interpreting what someone is saying based on the words that they use, but it may not be the way that they're intending it. And when intent and understanding aren't misaligned, that's not, when you have communication, that's miscommunication. So I could maybe hear a word, and I would say, you know what I'm hearing? You say this word, and I can interpret what I think this means, but would you mind explaining that so that I'm clear about what it is that you're sharing here? More times than not, I'm accurate in my interpretation. But that one rare instance where I'm not, that's where I was like, oh, I'm so glad I asked that question. And in every case, the fact that I asked for clarity and understanding, I have really deeply connected with the person that I'm talking to because they feel value seen and heard, and they're like, oh, thank you for wanting to know. So I really love kind of layering all of that together. Like you're saying, make sure you're listening for feedback and pause, but incorporating that talk less, question more, and making sure you understand before you move on to the next thing.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, I just love all that, and I think that is excellent advice, and I'm sure that our guests will love that, and we'll take note of that. Before we begin, I always have a fun, thought provoking question to ask my guests to get things going. Are you ready for yours, Laura?
[00:07:33] Speaker A: I hope so. Hit me.
[00:07:37] Speaker B: There's no right or wrong answer. It's whatever comes to your mind. So the question is, would you rather have the ability to communicate telepathically or know every single language on the planet?
[00:07:50] Speaker A: Wow. That's a great question.
That's a great question. And from someone who has the gift of gab, I might make you absolutely crazy with telepathy. That might just. That just might be batty, because my initial reaction is, I would like to know every language because telepathy, if I'm thinking in English, but you don't speak English, I still can't communicate with you.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: And so I would prefer to have more meaningful conversations with a wider, more diverse group of people. So learning multiple languages and knowing them, that would be amazing to me.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: Yes, I agree with you, too. I speak two languages, but I would love to be able to speak more, for sure. I think it'd be super fun to be able to speak more than the languages that you speak. So I agree with you 100% on that one.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: I love that. Okay, I'm curious. What languages do you speak?
[00:08:43] Speaker B: So, I speak English, and I speak French.
[00:08:47] Speaker A: Wonderful. That's awesome. Have you always spoken French, or was that something new? Is English new or both together?
[00:08:54] Speaker B: They're both together. So where I grew up is you need to be able to speak both languages, basically, to survive. So in order to work, in order to communicate, you needed to be able to speak both languages for sure.
[00:09:06] Speaker A: So, yeah, that's beautiful. Awesome.
[00:09:11] Speaker B: So thanks so much for having fun with me. You answered that great. Especially for somebody who didn't know what the question was going to be. I thought you did such a great job. So thanks for having fun with me. What I want to do is I want to start off with you telling us a little bit about you, your story, and of course, your why.
[00:09:29] Speaker A: Well, I appreciate that. And so I think you touched a little bit on my story, and I kind of alluded to it. So, yes, I'm a corporate professional turned entrepreneur, and there's really two trajectory changing moments in my life that have defined who I am. And to be perfectly honest, since it's just you and me, Andrew, no one's listening.
Right? I can be honest. Right? And I say that in jest. I'm absolutely experiencing my third trajectory changing moment as we speak. And so the first real trajectory changing moment was when I was climbing the corporate ladder and my dad got sick and was diagnosed with cancer at the most stressed out time in his life, which I don't believe was a coincidence. And so I realized my father was projecting my future for me. I inherited more than his curly hair, and I do have very curly hair like my father. And I realized I was doing the same thing that he was doing. I was working myself to death, and if I didn't change my ways, my body was going to stop me, just like his body stopped him. And so I realized that once we got through my father's situation, I would need to change my ways. And that's when the stress commando was born. It was a long four year run, but what I learned, my father was diagnosed and wasn't supposed to last three months, but the power of his mindset allowed him to last three and a half years with a brief remission in between. And it was his change of the priorities and the things that were stressing him out and holding his anxiety. And again, this was a roadmap and a blueprint for me to change my ways. I could either, I felt like I was in the fork in the road where I could go down one path and I was going to have the same future as my father. It would be successful, meaningful and cancer, or how about a different way? How could we make it successful, meaningful and not cancer and a little bit more healthy path? And so that's where that really happened. And so that's where I made the transition from corporate America into entrepreneur land so I could have some flexibility. And the real pivot moment was when I had accrued as an executive. I had accrued twelve weeks of vacation and they knew my father was sick and I was going home to see my dying father. And I had everything aligned for vacation time, had coverage, and I go to, to sit in with my boss to tell them all the coverage stories. And it just so happened that someone from HR was in the room and they said, well, we'll see if we can get that approved.
And I felt I don't need approval as an executive with twelve weeks accrued vacation. And it was in that moment I was an entrepreneur. I would never be in a situation where I would have to ask permission to see a dying parent because family and being there for my family is really one of my top priorities. And so I re engineered my life, and I was able to really help people that were like me, burning the candle at both ends, be able to live a more fulfilling and less stress filled life and more purposeful life, and be more present from the lessons that I had learned, making all the mistakes I wanted people to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of my father. And so that was something that I moved forward with. And I did great at that for about 14 years. And then fast forward, I get a diagnosis, and I'm diagnosed with too autoimmune in Lyme. And I was a keynote speaker. I was out and about. I was speaking. I was never home. I loved being out and having connections with different people and traveling everywhere and having all of these different conversations and having impact with various different types of communities, organizations. And unfortunately, in an instant, I was no longer able to leave the house. And so my only connection point was through technology. So, like, Zoom or how we're connected today, that was it. I couldn't even really drive anymore. And so my independence, everything was gone. And so now I was faced with an opportunity to really retool my life and write down everything that I liked, that I was doing and everything that I didn't, and really embrace the word can't. I can't do this right now. So here's the list of the things I can't do yet, but what can I do? Okay, how do we marry what I love with what I can do and make sure what I don't love doesn't come back in? So I retooled and pivoted everything into the digital space, and as luck would have it, it was maybe two or three years prior to the COVID and I already knew how to be in virtual space. And when COVID hit, I became really popular. Laura, how did you navigate this? I had my HR people coming to you. Laura, how are stress is so different now? How do we do the things we used to do in person? How do we do that now, virtually? How do we engage our employees? How do we boost morale? All the things I used to do in person. I had to quickly share and explain to everybody how to do virtually, but more importantly, just calm everyone's temperature because everyone was feeling so disconnected and filling on the island of alone, because their workplace was remote all of a sudden. And so how do you feel connected and be alone and not be on the island of alone? Those are very different things. And so that's what really started me launching the communities that I did. One, I wanted communities, not groups because I wanted everyone to have a sense of belonging. I know that Cigna has deemed loneliness an epidemic, and even if you are in a busy, crowded office, you can be struggling with loneliness. And so I really wanted people to get off that island of alone and reconnect people. And that's when down and dirty networking actually formed this relational community, and why our three C's are so important to us, where you co elevate, collaborate, and connect. And so I really went all in on that. And then, as a marketing consultant, I was helping businesses really pivot from their sales and marketing, and how did they do that and really embrace a more online world? And as we came out of COVID how do you have a hybrid experience that's connected, that's meaningful and authentic? And so that's where that kind of transitioned. And so then, all of a sudden, here's this whole thing called AI. And as if our lives weren't already busy enough, and we already feel like we've got another log on the fire of overwhelming to do, here's this new thing we've got to learn. And what is this? So, finally, I got into a program that made sense for my brain, because cognitive challenges are an issue sometimes for me, that I experience. And so if it could make sense for me, and I could break it down and I could show how it could save time and money, surely anybody's brain could get it, because if mine can, with what I experienced, you could get it. So that's where I launched the working stress free with AI community to help people navigate how to streamline their marketing and sales and work more stress free. Leveraging AI technology and not having to work harder to do it, not having to feel like it's overwhelmed, not feeling like they're behind all the time, and so just lowering the temperature across the board so that people could be stress free. And so that's what I've been doing to kind of move forward and. And really take what I learned with my dad. And when I got diagnosed, the simple solutions I was teaching were no longer simple enough. They were too complicated for me to follow. So I had to get even more crazy, stupid simple. And so the benefit for anybody that heard me present or was my client, they got even more crazy, stupid, simple tips from me. So that was something I was very proud to do. And then the third trajectory moment is, my mother has just been recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and I'm once again the caregiver. And I don't think it is a coincidence that my mother is diagnosed with cancer at her most anxious time of her life.
So if ever I needed a cast iron skillet or the wile E. Coyote acme brick falling on my head, if you follow that cartoon of hello, Laura, stress and anxiety can really affect you physically. If ever there was a message and why I needed to be the stress commando for myself was, it's good to be crazy through your curly, but you need to be relaxed.
You need to be able to find a way to be present and not take things so seriously and put what is important in front of you and that deep connection with self, that deep connection with others around you and being more meaningful, that's the difference maker, that's the change maker and how you frame it. So that's kind of the genesis of how I've gotten here. And so if I can help people matter and make a difference by taking one small step consistently over time to have a big impact, then I have done my job.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: Wow. There's so much that I want to dive into here. First off, you know, you just seem like such an adaptable individual. So you seem like you've had to adapt several times, and every time you've adapted, you've had to adapt again, I commend you because there's a lot of people who would probably just wave the white towel and say, you know what? That's it. I'm done. And you adapted. So I commend you for that. I also wanted to touch on when you said everything that we like and we don't like. So when I talk to people who are searching for a career or something that they want to get into, that's the first thing I tell them, is take a piece of paper and write down from the previous job the things that you liked about that job and the tasks that you like to do and the things that you didn't like. And then once you've put those on, when you're looking for your next career or your next job, look for the things that you like to do, not the things that you don't like to do, because you don't want to be stuck in a situation that you're doing those things. Again, pick the things that you enjoy doing. And the other thing that I want to touch on that you said is community. I feel like community is super important, and that is what I try to do myself. And I believe that I don't want to just create a community. I want to build a brand. And I feel that when you build a community, while you're building your brand. It's almost like you, Laura, would be talking to somebody else and you say, oh, you know, yeah, I was doing a podcast last night. Oh, who are you doing with all the deal with this guy, Andrew Stout? Oh, well, I know Andrew Stout. So you guys were having a conversation about me, but I'm not even in the room, and that's what I think is super important. And I think a lot of people forget about that. Yes, we want to make money. Yes, we want to put money, food on our table. But I do believe that the rapport building part and building a community is going to get you there eventually. You just have to continue to do that and not waver and give up on it. Right. That's, that's the.
[00:19:33] Speaker A: I totally agree. Oh, no, I completely agree with you. First of all, I just want to, you know, thank you for the kind words about my mom and, yeah, adaptable. That's definitely a good word for me. There's a whole long more of adaptations that I could go on and on about. But what I would say is when you were talking about how you have people, when they're looking for a job of a thing that they don't want and what have you, what I find so fascinating is that when, and I was guilty of this, so it takes one to know when. So this is why I can see it in other people, is when you ask what it is that you want, invariably the answer is framed, well, I know I don't want, I know I don't want, and then I'll let them finish and say all their don't wants. And I'm like, great, so you don't want, and I'll reframe it and I'll say it back to them and I'll say, but what do you want? What's the alternate to those? And invariably, people can't answer. I know when I was pressed by a personal coach, I couldn't answer it either. I could tell you what I didn't want, but I didn't know how to reframe that to what I did want. And so through the years, I started really focusing on learning what it was that I wanted and trying to tap into that. And as an entrepreneur, I find that over and over and over again the biggest challenge. What kind of client do you want? And by client, as you're an entrepreneur, that is, yes, the client in the traditional sense of exchanging money. But if you have vendors or if you are in a workplace and you have coworkers, you have internal customer service, you have inside clients that you have to connect with. So you have to be able to understand what they want and what they need so that you can communicate and work in a really effective way. And so one of the things that I have developed and I released this past year was my alignment method. I had an alignment philosophy that I would use, but I realized I needed to distill this down and keep it really, really simple. And so the method is simple. It's three steps. It's identify, create, love. That's the alignment method. And it can be applied over and over and over again in any situation. And so if you are that job seeker, identify everything that you don't want. Identify everything that you do want, that you liked. And then what have you not yet experienced that you love to experience?
You are not tethered to your past experience.
You are allowed to be an evolving human being, and you can want other things and be curious about them. It's not a nose job, so you can be curious about it, and it's okay if it doesn't work out after you try it, you're like, you know what? I've done this. I had this experience. I'm done with that. It's okay. So you don't have to worry so much about the pressure of something going bad or something bad happening or it's, you know, etched in stone and can't be undone. No, go ahead and identify what you want, what you don't want. Create these lists and then create the composite master list of the top items of what you want. So you've identified what you do want, what you don't want, what you'd love to experience. Then you create your master list, and maybe in the example of a job, what would be the ideal dream job for you? And you create that and then maybe you're creating a couple of jobs or what have you got a composite then of the things you've created. The third is love. Pick the one you love and execute on that. Now, if you like it or you like like it, you do not execute. You must love it. So if there was a new program or if I'm a hiring manager and I've got a new comp plan that I'm doing, if I've got a new way of sales presentation for my sales team that I want them to work on, or a new initiative for reducing stress, if I don't love it, I am not executing it. Because you can only consistently do the things that you love, and your enthusiasm cannot be hidden. If you only like it or like like it. Nobody's gonna catch your contagious enthusiasm. You have to love it. And so that is kind of the drawing board and the mechanism and then you reevaluate. So once you've executed on whatever the thing is that you are executing on, you go back and identify what work and what upgrades do you need to make. You create a new plan of action and you decide if you love it and then you execute again and it's just a rinse, repeat, identify, create, love alignment method so that things are aligned to you and then maybe to the company or the principles, priorities and the objectives, but it has to start with you. And that's, for me was the missing piece. So I love that you have the list. I totally high five you on that one because that's a very strong move and an important part.
[00:23:45] Speaker B: It certainly is. And I love everything that you packed in there. I'm sure as we go on it's going to tie in everything that we said in conversation for sure. But yes, I do love everything you packed in there and it's super important to make that list and to decide. And I do love that you said the love part. You have to have passion for sure. So. But we are talking about introverts and extroverts this evening. So what I wanted to ask you is what are the superpowers of an introvert and an extrovert?
[00:24:17] Speaker A: I think that's a great question. So first up, let me explain the difference between an introvert and extrovert. And I know you and everyone listening is a lot smarter than I am. So I actually had to have this told to me and it was kind of like this dumb moment. I was like, wait, no, that's not what I thought it was. So I actually have done the analysis to find out if you're an introvert or extrovert. I've taken that test. And the ironic thing was that I took the test, unbeknownst to me, at the same time that my dad took it. This is right before my dad got diagnosed. And my dad and I were laughing because we took the exact same test. We showed each other the results and they were as if they were the mirror image. I mean, you could have put mine on top of my dad's and it looked identical. And we both tested very high introvert, which nobody believed. Fast forward. Dad's already passed. I'm already a keynote speaker and I'm in a women's event and they were looking for a volunteer, and so she's doing this laser coaching and she asks me about introversion, and she says, so you're an introvert, Laura, what is an introvert? So I'm in front of everybody talking about being an introvert. So my hands were really sweaty. I was very uncomfortable, but I was grateful to be helping her. And I said, well, an introvert is someone who is shy. And she says, no. She goes, shy is someone who lacks confidence. And so now you've completely ruined my definition of introvert. And so I said, well, then, what exactly is an introvert? She goes, well, an introvert is where you gain power. You gain power from within. It's where you recharge. And I said, okay. And an extrovert. And she goes, an extrovert gains power from people. So for me, as an introvert, I am drained being around people, whereas an extrovert is drained being alone.
They're powered up by people. So my brain's thinking through what she just said. And I said, I can see a shy introvert, so shy, not having confidence, because that would be me. I was like, okay, then I'm a shy introvert in that moment. But what's a shy extrovert look like? Like, I couldn't visualize that. And she says, here's what that is. She goes, have you ever been in one of those stores, like, here we have, like, a Ross or a marshalls or any one of those kinds of department stores, but they have really tight aisles, and it's difficult for two people, people to pass in the racks between the clothes. She goes, so you're saying, excuse me? And you're shimmying sideways to get by somebody, and as you get by them saying, excuse me, they drop in to the middle of a conversation with you, and they say, oh, my gosh. I was trying to tell her that that pink dress wouldn't look good. Don't you agree? Don't you think that this pink dress wouldn't look good? And they're leaning towards you, and all you said was, excuse me, so you could get by. And what she was explaining is, that was the extrovert in them craving connection with people and being around people, but being too shy to initiate the conversation and just waiting for someone to say excuse me or to start a conversation to give an end. And so I thought, okay, that makes a lot of sense. So it's where they power up. So an introvert, to answer your question, with regards to superpowers, it's a superpower of an introvert, is being able to connect on a one to one basis really being able to strategize and see things in a very unique way. Whereas an extrovert superpower is being able to be super enthusiastic, get the team players and be really, really energetic and getting projects pushed through. And so there's a blend of both of these, and there are some new terms that are coming out. But in the general sense, the simplest form, introverts and extroverts, is where you gain your power. And we need both. We need both sides. If you're a leader and you're in the workplace, it would be a very ineffective, inefficient workplace with only one viewpoint and one way of looking at things, you do need that 360 degree perspective, like we like to call it in down and dirty networking to the name of your podcast. We embrace diversity in the true sense of the word. We want that 360 degree perspective. And so, yes, introverts and extroverts have their own superpower, but you definitely want to embrace both. And you need to be able to recognize both very quickly so you can tap into them.
[00:28:16] Speaker B: Everything that you said there, I talk about this a lot. It makes me think of diversity of thought, is what you said there. So it's basically a different way of doing things or a different way of looking at things. And I definitely agree with you. Like, if you just had one type of employee and you're the leader and you're like, oh, my God, I don't know how it would go. So I would say it this way, you need to have those people who want to be a leader or want to move up, and then you got to have those people that like, I'm okay being a data entry person, I'm okay coming in at eight and leaving at five. So you need to have those two types of peoples. From what you're telling me, there is absolutely.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: I do want to tap in, though, a little bit between the difference between, and I know you know this, but the difference between a manager and a leader, so being promoted. So back in my day, prior to my dad's diagnosis, I was climbing the corporate ladder, being promoted, doing all the things, and I didn't understand the difference between manager and leader. I was focused on a title. And so in the environments that I was in, a manager manages tasks and people, a leader develops people.
Those are two totally different functions. And so I've worked in environments where it was management, and though they would use the word leader, it was truly managing tasks. It was truly managing people and resources. But then there's these opportunities where you actually get to develop people. Now of course, there's still goals, objectives, and you're managing resources, but if you're developing people, you're putting them in situations to win, right. You're putting them in situations that are going to stretch them and or tapping into their superpower. So you need to very quickly be able to say, okay, this is an introvert, but they can lean extrovert, and I'm going to put them in a stretch comfort area. If they're comfortable with it, I think they're going to do good. I need their meaningful, deep thinking on this project, and I'm going to tell them that I need that. And that's what I want to bring them to the table. And so you put them in these spaces to really succeed. And so this is where, as a leader, to kind of build on what you're saying and a manager, you have to identify, what are you? What do you want to be? We both there. You need managers. You need leaders, you need workers to what you're saying, what are you? And there's no shame in your game to be whatever you are, be that and be excellent at it, and then understand, okay, where are my people and where can I plug them in? In the best place to succeed?
[00:30:31] Speaker B: So I think we kind of went into it, but I kind of want to dig deeper into this here. Why do you think that introverts and extroverts work well together?
[00:30:41] Speaker A: I think they're needed, but I think there are some challenges, depending on the environment, where they may not work well together, actually.
And what I mean by that is if you aren't aware that an extraversion or an introversion is coming into play, you may misread it, that they're being shy, that they lack confidence. And so one of the things that I learned when I was having this conversation that I told you with this coach, and I'm trying to understand when introversion is, and I said shy, she says, one of the biggest mistakes you can make when you're a parent or if you've got a young cousin, and I had a young cousin at the time, she says, is when you tell the kid that, oh, just please excuse them, they're shy, you are fueling their lack of confidence. And I went, oh, my gosh, I have done this for years. In that moment, I ceased to do that moving forward, and I have yet to do it. I will not fuel somebody's lack of confidence trying to give them permission and space and grace because they're feeling shy. Once I realized what it was, it wasn't introversion. It was confidence. I'm not going to feel that. But I then made the jump into the workplace. Where were the opportunities where I was actually fueling the lack of confidence of my coworkers, of myself and the way that I talked to myself or the people that I managed. And so being able to recognize that you don't fuel that. And so where you can actually help extroverts and introverts to work together is one. Identify. Train the team so that they're aware of what to look at. Acknowledge the superpowers and not use the shy. Just empower everybody. You don't want the shy extrovert. You don't want a shy introvert. You want an empowered extrovert. You want an empowered introvert. You want them totally living in their superpower and loving it. Absolutely. Done. Loving it. So I think to help them work together is, I think, the leader's job and the culture of the company workplace, wherever they are, to make sure that everyone is okay, to be themselves, to show up boldly the way that they are. Even if showing up boldly isn't a crowd of people, or showing up boldly by being quiet by themselves, it's all good. It's all needed. So that's why I think they can work together. And when there's an embracement of that, which is what I have with the communities that I have, I take all of the guesswork out. I lower the vibrational energy spend so my introverts can feel welcome in a social setting, and my extroverts still get fueled like crazy. So where can you minimize energy? Spend. So things are super efficient from a vibrational energy standpoint. So your introverts, extroverts can absolutely shine and work together in the same room on the same project. That is where I have found the best result for extroverts and introverts in the same project.
[00:33:11] Speaker B: So I love when you talked about the confidence and, you know, it's funny that you say when you talked about shy, and I can totally see. So I've been in a work environment where you're in a meeting and meeting is started, and then the leader or the manager asks this particular person a question and or what do they think of this particular thing that they're talking about? And then there's a co worker that says, oh, I'm going to help them out because they don't like to talk in meetings. So I'm going to help them out because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. So then that person kind of feels like, well, you know, I'm never able to talk in meetings, so I'm not going to try to talk because I feel like I'm lacking confidence. So I could totally see what you're talking about. The shy part. I could totally see that, yeah.
[00:34:06] Speaker A: And I've probably been guilty of that. Well intended in your example, wanting to help this person out and you're not realizing you're making it worse and great intentions, but it's just poorly executed. And so when I had this awareness, and as you were describing, that I was reliving a moment when I served on the national board of directors for the American Business Women's association and we didn't know each other, it was nine of us all together, and they lined us up by the districts we represented. And I was told, make sure that you have confidence to represent your district and say what you needed to say. So sweaty poems and all. I would do it anyway. I was like, I'm going to sweat profusely, but I won't die and I will speak up. But what I realized is the person next to me wasn't talking as much. And I realized that I felt I was talking over them, not intentionally. And I just said, you know what? I really want to hear what she has to say. I said, I value your input. And that was the difference maker in having being confident. I value. I want to hear what you have to say and getting silent and allowing space and grace for that person to think through, process what they needed to say and say it. And so if you're like me and you have the gift of gab or you get nervous and you just get going, just kind of keep talking, I would stop. And it goes back to that talk less, question more who's not talking in the room. Show that they matter, show that you care and that you want to hear what they have to say and then give them space to say it. So ask them the question, hey, I haven't heard anything from you. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this, how you feel about this, but then give silent. And oh, my gosh, the conversations were so amazing. The person, next week, we were still really good friends years and years later, after serving on the board, and I still value what she has to say and I will still ask her to this day. So what do you think about this? So I realized that people gave me that space. They didn't feed into that fear of looking stupid, which was the shyness aspect and really pouring into me in a positive way versus what I was doing. Oh, let me help them out because they're shy. I'm actually pouring kerosene on the negative, focus on the want, not what. I don't want more shy. I want more confidence. I want more empowerment. I want more value. So how do we get that out of people?
[00:36:12] Speaker B: And I love when you said, like, asking the question, what I like to do is, you know, when you ask a question, a lot of people will ask a question, and then they'll ask another question on top of that question. So what I try to do is I asked a question, and in my head, I try to do like, a ten second count in my head, and in that 10 seconds, they're giving me the answer. What they're answering me instead of asking them something. And they're, oh, you know, because I think that you're not giving them a chance to answer and give their feedback.
[00:36:45] Speaker A: Yeah. You're interpreting what you think they're going to say, and you're already into the next part of the conversation. I totally agree. This is where, and I just had this in the AI community, we're talking about leveraging AI for social media. And people were coming up with, you know, how do you engage people in, you know, direct messaging? And I've had the same conversation of how you engage in relational networking, as we call it, and down and dirty networking on, like, platforms like LinkedIn or other social media platforms. And it was the same principle you just described for both of those. One question at a time.
It's known in sales, one call to action. You don't put two CTA's, three CTA's. It's like you're starving and you go to the grocery store, you want everything, but you don't know where to start. It's overwhelming. It's like being at the buffet. It's overwhelming. It needs to be one at a time and let them answer and then be kind of like Sherlock Holmes, or you want to be the super sleuth with what they said, then think of the next question. Even if there's pause and space, and you go, you know, I had another question. It fell out of my head, but based on what you just said, this is what I want to know next.
You can do that. And things falling out of my head happen a lot now, so you guys are welcome to use that and say, you know, because it happens, but it forces you to be present and not be interpreting and thinking, you know, ten steps ahead of a conversation. When you're missing the most richest part, the part that you're listening to right then and there.
[00:38:03] Speaker B: Right. So I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think that the way that people view introverts and extroverts is changing?
[00:38:12] Speaker A: I don't know if it's actually changing, but I can tell. My. My thought is it's changing just because of my understanding of what extroversion and introversion is, but what I think is evolving. There's this newer conversation that I've been hearing. So we've talked about that there's introverts and extroverts, but there's two other categories that are becoming more prevalent in the discussion. And the two other categories is if you're an. There's an ambivert. So it's kind of an umbrella statement. And with an ambivert, you're either introverted extrovert or extroverted introvert. And so an ambivert means you have the characteristics of both an introvert and extrovert. One's more dominant. So if you're introvert, you're an ambivert and you're introverted extrovert, you're dominant as being an introvert. But you can adapt and be in extroverted situations. So you can definitely do that. And the reverse, if you're an ambivert, where you're an extroverted introvert, your default setting is you're an extrovert, but you can adapt and be in introverted situations. And so you end up having this really cool composite of superpowers as you work through your day. And so if you've looked at any of the personality tests that I've taken through the years, what is so fascinating is some people are like, oh, you're an ambivert because you do so well as a public speaker, or you do this. And I go, that's such high praise. Thank you. And yet my test tells a very different story. I'm very high introvert. Very high. And there's no way. I mean, I actually had a coach tell me on one of my disc assessments. It had a disclaimer page. In all his years of coaching, he had never seen a test result with a disclaimer page. I show flat across all of the personality types, despite having a very distinctive dominant personality type. And he says, laura, that's probably because you've moved around a lot. You have learned how to fit in. You have learned how to fit in, be liked, and be able to adapt to what people need you to be. So I found it interesting, Andrew, that you would say adaptable was the word that you would pick up. I've heard that over and over, and that's true. The downside with that is I lost along the way the ability to know who I genuinely was. And so it took many, many, many years for me to realize, okay, who do I really want? I mean, I know I want to be liked, but how do I really do this and leverage my introversion in a more meaningful way? And so, to answer your question, I think that's the broader perspective. There's this greater understanding of what an ambivert is. But recognizing that introvert and extrovert are superpowers you can tap into and having more self awareness so that you know how to move forward more positively, positively, and powerfully.
[00:40:43] Speaker B: Because I could see what you say when you talked earlier about people not knowing what an introvert is and people not knowing what an extrovert is and not fully understanding what they actually mean. So it's kind of like ever changing, as far as I'm concerned, as far as the way that people look at it, because some people kind of downplay, like, ah, he's an extrovert. He's an introvert. He's not gonna join us today because he's an introvert. You know what I mean? Like, people kind of. I found it. There's a very much of a generalization of the two, but I wanted to get your thoughts, because I see that there's not as much of a generalization of the two in my mind, and.
[00:41:22] Speaker A: I agree with you. It's not the shy and boisterous. There's. There's a whole different example, and maybe I've just evolved. Maybe I've gotten a little bit older, wiser, not entirely sure. But as I've met other people, there is a broader understanding, to your point, of what introvert and extrovert actually is, and tapping into that. And so I'd like to think that it is changing. I'd like to think it's being more self aware. I think that's really what it is about. And as we move more into self awareness and personal and professional development, as that's becoming much more prevalent, and as we move into mental health, which requires an awareness so that you know how you can move forward in a more healthy way, you would not want to put an introvert, an extroverted curricular. 100% of the time, they're going to be living in high stress all the time. It's going to take a toll if they're not aware of that. And the reverse is true. An extrovert that's always put in introverted situations would be in high stress. So having that self awareness is how you can identify what it is you do want and don't want. It's how you can align things to yourself. It's how you can move forward in a more productive way.
[00:42:22] Speaker B: To add a little bit there, I think it's just having a little bit of understanding and compassion for either or, and then allowing them the ability to communicate who they are and what their feelings are and what their beliefs are in certain things as well, instead of just like, you know, downplaying it and you know, oh, they don't really have anything to say there. This, they're that, right. Allowing them to communicate who they are and getting to know them as an individual rather than a name or a stereotype is where I'm going here.
[00:42:59] Speaker A: I totally agree. And that's where I came up with the term of relational networking. For down and dirty networking, there's traditional networking where tie, my name is extend hand, shake hands, exchange business cards, and you're maybe exchanging a lead, a job offer, or some kind of client. But relational networking is really having a meaningful conversation to learn from and about someone so that you can build lasting and authentic relationships. That's what I have been training corporations in the community that I've created in down and dirty networking is that meaningfulness. And when you really engage in relational networking, you're not dismissing someone. Someone really is seen, heard and valued, and you really value who they are. And when you do that, your reputational capital goes through the roof. So back to what you were saying about developing a personal brand. You want to develop a rockstar brand and have thousands of raving fans. You want to make sure that your reputational capital is through the roof, by the way. You've made everyone feel how they've been seen by you, heard by you, and the value you've poured into them. And if you're doing that in the workplace, if you're doing that as a leader and developing people and really allowing them to be themselves and be in situations where they can thrive, and you're not dismissing them, you're not belittling them, even with greatest of intentions, that's where things flip on its head, and that's where it's a complete game changer.
[00:44:11] Speaker B: Wow. So if you could choose one word to describe yourself, what word would that be?
[00:44:18] Speaker A: That's so hard. There's so many words.
There's so many words that people would use and not just one. But if I had to really choose one, I would probably say genuine.
Genuine in the sense that I genuinely care about people. I genuinely want to help you and matter and make a difference. If I would chose an authentic, it would only mean that I just tell you what I feel without any consideration of how it's received by you. And that's not true for me. Yes, I'm very authentic in how I am, but I care more about how you feel about what I'm saying or how I'm coming across. And so for me, I'm genuine. I'm genuinely curly haired. I'm genuine about the fact I love all things Star wars. I'm genuinely passionate. I'm generally going to be boisterous, and I'm generally going to be loud, usually. But more than anything, I'm genuinely going to care about you. I'm going to generally put you first and try to help you move forward powerfully and love what you're doing while you're doing it.
[00:45:18] Speaker B: I love that. And if I was going to pick a word for you, that would be it. I think you are who you are, and that is the type of person that I like to be is the person that you are talking on the phone with. Seeing in person, seeing them on video, is the exact same person you don't want to be. Oh, you know, you're so much different when you're on the phone and when you're in person. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the exact same person each and every single time so that people are like, they know what they're going to get. They're not surprised by how I'm going to act on the phone or in person or whatever. There's no surprises with me. Yes. What you see is what you get in any situation. That's how I like to be, and I see that in you as well.
[00:46:07] Speaker A: Well, thank you. And that's definitely true of you. That's one of the things that gravitated gravity, me towards you and I was drawn to was the fact that you were just genuine and people, and that's what I love. We need real people to have real conversations. That's what meaningfulness is really all about. And you're definitely that person. And so, you know, I heard all the time, you know, contagious enthusiasm, and I didn't know if that was a good thing. I was, you know, I was worried about the being liked, and I finally went, you know what? That is who. Who I am. It's just how I roll, and I will always try to raise your vibrational energy when I can, and I will surround myself with people like you, Andrew, that are very high vibrational energy people. My pain can be through the roof. My physical energy can be tanked, but I can control and change on the dime my vibrational energy by the people that I surround myself with and the way that I engage with people and that I have control over. And so I will always be very intentional about that.
So I'm grateful you're in my orbit.
[00:47:01] Speaker B: Well, say I am grateful, too. Any final thoughts today other than it's.
[00:47:06] Speaker A: Been great, and I really hope that if you're out there and you're an introvert, really, I would totally throw away the word shy. And I would totally throw away the word should. I should be this, I should be that, don't should on yourself. To my extroverts out there, throw away the should, throw away the shot. It's the same advice. You are perfectly you, no matter how you are, who you're with, really tap into your superpower and get to know who you are, know where your power comes from. Is it from people or from you? And then don't be afraid to stretch. So, as an introvert, I will stretch and be around people and do things that stretch my comfort zone. But I'm fully aware of where I get power from. So I will power up before a podcast, and I will power down and power back up after. That's okay. That's how you're able to do things you never thought you could do before. But we all need the thought leaders. We need that perspective. And so to anyone listening, regardless of whether you're an introvert or extrovert, I would encourage you to embrace it. And if you don't know and you're thinking, but I'm shy, embrace that, too, and start learning about it and really tap into it, because it'll make all the difference. I was sitting in a conference when I realized what introversion was about. And I remember the room they had you stand up after the test you had taken. And again, I was really high introvert. And there was maybe 25% of the room stood up, and everyone was like, orlando, sit down. You are not an introvert.
And I just kind of smiled, and my hands were pretty clammy, and I could hide it. And I'm grateful that my parents spent a lot of money on orthodontics for my smile. So I could smile and just make it look like I'm fine, but I'm dying underneath to be in this room with everybody else. And what I learned was that it was a superpower. And what I learned is that it was okay to think different. The things that for me, I feel like I think backwards are needed. It comes easy for me. But others can't see the certain perspective. And so the thought process as an extrovert, that might come easy to you. I'm not gonna see it that way. I'm gonna need that perspective to balance out the way that I'm looking at it. So I feel like we all have a purpose and a place, and it's all powerful and we need to embrace it. So regardless of where you are or how you are identifying, or if you don't even know, I encourage you to find out and tap into it because it's all good.
[00:49:19] Speaker B: I want to take the time to thank you for coming on today. I envisioned this conversation when we first booked it, and it has exceeded my expectations. It's been an amazing conversation. It's been fun, engaging and interesting. And I love these conversations because you just always seem to learn something along the way. And I just love your passion and your energy that you exude in your conversations. And I admire you for that, for sure. So thank you again for coming on today.
[00:49:53] Speaker A: Well, thank you for having me. And if anyone watching, if there's any way I can support and help you, whether it be with continuing this conversation or if there's anything I can do to help you network stress free, work stress free with AI or look stress free, I'm your girl. Reach out to me and we'll see if I can help you out some somehow.
[00:50:08] Speaker B: Well, on behalf of myself and my guest, Laura, I would like to thank you all for listening. And until next time, be safe. And remember that if we all work together, we can accomplish.
[00:50:22] Speaker A: You have been listening to let's be diverse with Andrew Stout. To stay up to date with future content, hit subscribe.
